Like He Owns the Place

So I was sitting on the couch, watching Desperate Housewives before bed (yes, go ahead and laugh if you must) and I went to the kitchen to get something. When I returned, my seat on the couch was no longer empty:

My Little Unimportant Rant

If you are a male, you can check out now, because I am now going to be ranting about TV Guide channel's Top 25 sexiest television men of all time.
I am appalled. I was certain that they were going to say that George Clooney was number one. I was not particularly happy about it, but I expected it so it wasn't a big deal. But that was not how it played out at all! No, they gave George Clooney the number 2 spot. And number one? Can you guess? TOM SELLECK???? WHAT??? And Johnny Depp is number 5? And the rest of the stars I would consider hot are not even on the list? WHAT?
So here are some people who were excluded who would be on MY list of the top 25 sexiest tv men of all time. I know that some of these are by no means the norm, but some I really am shocked that they were excluded. Keep in mind that some of these people are being included based on how they looked quite a long time ago when they actually were on television:

* Hugh Laurie (yes, I'm sure this one makes me mental, but that's okay)
* Christopher Meloni
* Pierce Brosnan
* Naveen Andrews (Come on, people, he's sexier than Josh Holloway and Matthew Fox combined and they were both on the list!)

These are just a few, and if I had more time, I could probably create an entirely new list of my own, but I suppose I will spare you all..

The things I don't say.

It's been quite a week. A lot of waiting for nothing. And a lot more social activity than I'm accustomed to, which has been FABULOUS. I have actually had to start using my planner. I used to be able to just remember everything I had to do, mostly because I either had nothing to do, or I only had things that happened at the same time every week... So this is what it's like to have a life.

Anyway, tonight I went to dinner with my friend Christina and we talked about a lot of nothing, and I actually shared with her some of the things I've had going on. Things I'm not ready to blog about, but things that I needed to talk to someone about. It was really good because I haven't talked to ANYONE about these things. So it was a good evening. Now I am watching Juno which is FABULOUS.

And tomorrow is going to be great. Bully's after work with some work friends. Then in the evening I am going to see Smart People with my friend Mary, which may lead to some more real conversations. I can hope.

Saturday will be a day of fun with another co-worker. We are going to the Wine Walk for her birthday, which should be a blast. Hopefully it's less crowded this time since it's not spring break.

The rest of the weekends activities are yet unplanned. I am hoping to make a trip to Windy Hill for some sunset photos with my new camera, but we shall see.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Ummmm... OOOPS!

Check this out, it's pretty flippin' funny!

Redneck Candid Camera

That's the show that I felt like I was on today when I went to dinner with my parents. So we are sitting at our table at a casino restaurant that shall remain nameless, and this man in an electric wheelchair comes in with two other men, both of whom were wearing beat up jeans and wife-beaters. The man was also accompanied by a dog. Now your first thought would be, "hmmm, guy in wheelchair, must be a service dog." But what you need to know about this dog is that it was a fat, black pug. Okay, so maybe the pug is his service dog... Whatever.

As the men proceed to settle in to their booth with the man in the wheelchair at the end of the table, the dog joins the other two men in the booth seat. WHAT? Service dogs don't sit on the booth seats at restaurants. All the while, people in the restaurant kept looking over at the dog, but nobody said anything. Their waitress acted like it was perfectly normal to have pudgy pug sitting at the table.

As the meal progressed, we watched all of the men playfully petting the pug, and the pug bouncing around on the booth seat. Exactly the type of behavior you would expect from someone's pet, and not from a service dog. Still everyone in the restaurant is looking over at this scene, and I can't look away because they are seated directly across from me.

Now you might think that this is the end, but unfortunately it is not. After the men were done eating they requested a takeout box, which they proceeded to put their leftovers in and place on the floor. Then they let the dog loose. They set him on the floor to eat the scraps from the takeout box, which the dog promptly devoured before wandering across the aisle in the restaurant, probably in search of more scraps. When the dog returned, the men dropped a few more French fries on the floor, which apparently appeased the dog because he/she did not wander off again.

It honestly would not have surprised me for some secret camera man to jump out from behind a tree, because the whole scene was just too hard to believe. I guess it really is true when people say that truth is stranger than fiction!

Jeni's First Digital Camera

Yes, it is sad, I know. I have been putting off buying a digital camera until I could afford the best. I still can't afford the best, but I got a really good deal on a decent camera, so I sucked it up and made the purchase. I have moved out of the obsolete world of film and here is the best take of ten at my first picture to post:

Perhaps I should take up swimming...

I'm here. I'm blogging about nothing because I really have nothing to say. I am feeling happier right now, I have switched from country music (which tends to be depression type music) to loud, obnoxious head-banging type music. This change is a seasonal thing, as well as a somewhat emotional thing. Every year in the spring, I wake up one morning and I feel like listening to something loud. That's usually the time I start to feel more confident, outgoing, and social. This is the time of year when maintaining relationships with other people stops feeling like such hard work. So I am looking forward to this season.
It's a good time for me to be more willing to reach out to others, because physically I am feeling quite discouraged right now. I feel better in general than I have in years now that much of that extra weight on top is out of the way. But after my surgery, during the period of inactivity associated with recovery, I gained more weight than I would have liked. And at the time it didn't bother me that much because I figured that as soon as I started to get active again, that would go away. But the time came to begin again, and that hasn't been working out so well. I'm kind of stuck right now. I'm doing what I can, trying to push through and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I am considering taking up swimming--and I'm really not a very good swimmer. Oh well. I suppose it is better to be living "fat and happy" than skinny and unhappy. He he he he he...

Well, that's the evening report. Thanks for joining us today for this mindless rambling that I call an update.

Response to a comment

I will go ahead and say it, this post is kind of in response to a comment diga made on my post about feeling pretty. I'm not even sure that I should post this because I don't want it to be misinterpreted, but I'll go ahead and see what happens and if people take it the wrong way, I'll take it down.

For anyone who didn't catch it, my HEAD (the part of me that reads and interprets blog comments) is fully aware that spouse, kids etc will not make me a happier person. My HEAD having this knowledge, does not make my heart stop longing for those things. I do desire to find that person who loves me enough to commit to a relationship with me. I do desire to have children someday. And I am aware that I don't NEED those things to be happy, hence the reason for reading the book again. The problem is that I find myself longing for and lacking something that I DO need, that we all need, and somehow I figure that if I were married I would have that one thing.

We always put an emphasis on how important community and personal relationships are to our faith and our spiritual growth. The way I see it, while I am aware that marriage will not make me a happier person in general, it could give me the opportunity to grow and develop as a person rather than remaining stagnant as I have been. All of the married people out there say that it's not greener on the other side, but most of the married people I know at least have ONE person that they can sit with and pray with when they need it in their spouse. They have that one person they can depend on to listen to them when they have something on their minds. That's not to say that a single person CAN'T have that, but right now I don't. So perhaps all of the desire to meet someone isn't so much about getting married and have kids. Perhaps it's more about knowing that if and when something bad happens that I will have someone to call at two o'clock in the morning to talk and to pray with. My closest friend for the last five years and the first person I thought to call whenever I needed something is not here right now, she is across the world, and I have not been doing a very good job of keeping her up to date with my life, nor have I done a very good job of keeping up on hers. A 16 hour time difference makes a close involvement in one's life quite difficult. And so I have been treating my blog as my best friend. I know that a blog can never be a replacement for personal relationships, but it's what I have right now.
I have been trying to stretch myself out of my comfort zone by getting involved in other people's lives so that I can develop those sorts of relationships and friendships but I know it will take time. As of right now, I still feel like an outsider watching everybody else have the close personal relationships, and every once in a while I get a day pass and I'm invited in, but the rest of the time I'm left on the outside watching and waiting. It's not just so I have someone to talk to and pray with, either. I want people to feel like they can talk to me and ask me to pray with them, to call me at two o'clock in the morning. And I will be ready when that relationship comes-- not just a romantic relationship, but a meaningful friendship-- one that truly intersects my life as I intersect theirs. I will be right here, open to whatever God blesses me with.

Oh, Blast it all...

What is the matter with me?

I love you. I hate you. I miss you. I wish I could forget you.

That is all.

And today I felt pretty...

So today I went shopping. I needed some specific items, and I didn't really get much more than I needed, but it was still quite an enjoyable day. I discovered that I now have so many choices-- I didn't have all of these choices before, and now suddenly I do. After purchasing the much needed items along with a couple of others, I found myself feeling pretty. This doesn't happen often. Most of the time I either hate the way I look or I am indifferent because it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. But today I felt pretty. I put on some make-up and a new shirt and met up with some of the other ladies in the church for pizza. But I really wanted to go out. I never want to go out, but today, I did. Unfortunately, the friend I was supposed to go out with tonight bailed on me. Oh well.
So now is the part where you all get to laugh at me and how completely ridiculous I am. You get to laugh at what I am about to confess because it is so wrong. Here goes: So when my friend called me and bailed, I decided to go to Barnes and Noble. I love books, and I like coffee beverages that don't taste like coffee, and since I felt pretty I hoped I might see some gentlemen who love books and like coffee beverages that don't taste like coffee. But wait-- It gets better. So I order my coffee and head out into the book store to browse. On the way out I pass a table with two guys sitting at a table doing their homework. I smile at them (this is not uncommon, I always smile at strangers) and find myself thinking in my head "look at me... look at me... come talk to me..." (this IS uncommon since I usually don't want people to look at me). If your still not laughing, it gets even better than this. After I go upstairs to look around, I look in the poetry section, then the Christian fiction section (I always get a good laugh out of some of the plots they come up with and the corny jacket passages) and when I got done there, I started to head over to the social sciences/current affairs sections when I notice that there is a guy about my age looking at poetry. So I go BACK to the poetry section even though I've already looked there. And in my head I'm thinking "Ask me what I like-- I'll tell you about my autographed Billy Collins books..." And then I realize that I've gone COMPLETELY mental and that it is time for me to go home. I go to the front to purchase my new journal for church notes and the guy cashing me out asks for my phone number to look up my rewards card. The psycho voice inside of me says "That's not all my phone number is good for--wink wink." And then I go home, thinking that I must be hormonal or something because as much as I hate being single sometimes, that psychotic inner dialogue is really not like me.
So now I am home, and I have decided that it is time for me to read a particular book again. It is called Living Whole Without a Better Half. I think I've blogged about it before, but I haven't actually read it for about 5 years. I bought it in 2003 when I was in the midst of the whole "met the guy I want to marry, too bad he doesn't feel the same way" drama and I went on a Christian singles book binge. I bought a ton of them and most of them were crap. They all talked about singles as though we are all raging with hormones and can't wait to hop in the sack and how important it is to not give in to those feelings. Um, DUH! Most of them addressed singles who are always dating and trying to figure out whether it's right or not. This was the only one I read that addressed the spiritual needs of a single person as they are in this moment. When I read it the first time, I made quite a few notes, and probably half of the pages in the book are folded over because of something noteworthy I found on the page. The book was so good that it provided the material for my one and only experience teaching a group.
The summer I graduated from UNR, some of the other college students I knew from Intervarsity Christian Fellowship decided that they didn't want Intervarsity to end for the summer. Yes, technically it did, but about 30 or so of us decided to get together and create our own similar meetings for the summer. There was worship and a teaching and then general hanging out. Somehow, I got roped into teaching about escaping emotional dependence. I'm not sure WHY anyone thought this was a good idea, but someone did, and I, being the people pleaser I was at the time, agreed to it. I suppose that in teaching about a subject, we always learn something ourselves, and that summer I learned quite a bit and managed to not hate being single, even if just for a few months.
My battle with this has always been two steps forward and one step back, but I know I depend a lot less on people to provide me with meaning in my life than I used to. I know that I have grown a lot, and that I still have a lot of growing to do. And I feel like right now I might be in the middle of that one step back because I have been so lonely lately. I want to stop that, before it turns into two steps back. So I'm going over all the things I learned last time, and I will also hopefully learn some new things.

Next Time: Lies about the single life.