And I'm still laughing...

So I was getting my evening news update, as I frequently do, from rgj.com when I came across an article about "GodTube". This is apparently supposed to be the Christian version of YouTube. I clicked on the link, just out of curiosity, and I found an add for this website: click here to laugh.

I have no words to express my feelings about that. Just laughter. I hope ya'll enjoy it as much as I did!

Being the Light

So this morning as we all sat in church, a thought occurred to me about being the light. Many times we think that there is only one way of doing things. The problem with this is that when we meet new people who have not yet come to Jesus, we teach them to do things our way. We expect them to look at us for all direction. But the problem with continuously looking directly at a light is that it can cause blind spots in one's vision. Instead, we should be teaching them to look outwards at the world using our light until they find their own. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but it makes perfect sense in my head.

The Countdown

If you've been keeping up on my ladies only livejournal, I've written a new post. That is all.

Get the latest scoop!

Coming soon

A new and improved me!

I have posted an update at my ladies only (and males who are bold enough to disregard the "ladies only" warning) livejournal. Check it out.

My Favorite Things.

Today was a day for my favorite things. Yesterday was my uncle's memorial service. I was not by any means close to my uncle. I spent a lot of time at his house as a child, though most of what I remember involves my aunt--he was not there for those memories. What I do remember is watching wrestling with him. Usually I watched with my dad, and when the special events like Wrestlemania came up, my dad, my brother and I all went to my uncle's house to watch the events on pay-per-view. We all went together to watch wrestling at Lawlor. Yes, I am more red-neck than any of you thought possible. I really did watch and enjoy wrestling as a child. I even went so far as to make signs for the trips to Lawlor. I was one of the loudest people there. (Please keep in mind that all of this happened before I was even in high school.) The service was a military service at the cemetery in Fernley. Since it rained/snowed, it had to be move indoors. I did pretty well for most of it since we weren't close. But when they played Taps I lost it. I always cry when I hear Taps. I'm such a sissy. Then again, it was the first time in my life that I think I saw my dad tear up. I didn't see that even when his father died. This was my dad's younger brother. It was somewhat devasting to see my father get upset. My father is the stoic type and doesn't ever show his emotions. To see him stray from this pattern was rather difficult for me.
So anyway, today I woke up and felt like spending an entire day doing things I enjoy. I went for some retail therapy at Target. I mostly only bought things that I needed. Here is what I what I bought:
1 couch cover (originally 99.99)
My Dad's B-day Card
2 boxes Kleenex
1 pkg paper towels
1 pkg toilet paper
1 dress
1 shirt
1 shower curtain.
2 kitchen towels
2 potholders
2 120 pg. notebooks.

The game is: Guess how much I spent on all of these items. I will not reveal it until I've received some guesses.

The next thing that I did today that falls into my favorite things is "blush wine". I may or may not have finished off the entire bottle by myself. And I may or may not have continued to drink after that. I may have actually gotten tipsy. And then I may or may not have proceeded to talk to Becky for about an hour or so, while tipsy. I enjoyed our conversation during which we discussed the honest advantages of living in Nashville rather than in Reno or Vegas as a single female, as we both are.
Here's the catch: I have had dreams about marrying a single individual who is currently in Las Vegas at the age of 33.
I have also have had dreams that lead me to believe that the person that I will eventually marry is not even in Reno. So which dream am I to believe? The one that says that the person that treated me like trash will be the one that I marry at the age of 33... Or the one that says that the person that I will marry does not live in Reno, where I currently live, and have lived for my entire life.
Let me be honest for a moment... I have to say that the option that the person I will marry does not live here is much more tempting. At least then the fact that I have not met a single person who is interested in me for more than sex by the age of 28 is not entirely my fault. At least then, the fact that I spent 6 years in love with someone who didn't love me in return would not destroy all hope I have/had of finding someone, someday. I truly believe I may have better luck outside of Reno. Maybe I'm not meant to live in Reno forever. But how can I ever find out if I never leave?

Come what may

An interesting thing happened this weekend. I have been pondering the idea of buying a condo for a little while now. Every once in a while, I get the urge to look again, just for the heck of it. Yesterday I saw once that I'd be somewhat interested in. Just out of curiosity, I started checking around in other cities to see what I could get for the same amount of money. I discovered that for the same amount of money that I would spend on a mediocre 864 sq ft condo here, I could buy a 1900 sq ft, three bedroom, two bath house with a large yard elsewhere. Where, you might be asking. Nashville. I love Nashville and the cost of living there always makes me wish that I had a reason to live there. Once again, yesterday, I sat discussing with my dad how much I wish I had a reason to live there.
As some of you may know, at one point I did think I might have a reason to live there. I visited a college there about getting a Masters in Creative Writing. I had already been accepted. But when I really thought about it, it wasn't what I really wanted. I didn't want to live an hour outside of Nashville, and I didn't want to settle for a Masters in Creative Writing, when what I really wanted was a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. This is where things start to get interesting. Last night, I was talking to Becky, and she was pondering grad school, and I have never really stopped pondering it, but they just have never had the programs that I'm interested in available in a city I'd like to live in. For some reason, I decided to check out the web page for Vanderbilt (in Nashville) and see what masters programs they do have. I'd looked into it before and they didn't have an MFA program. Imagine my surprise when I arrived at their web page to find that beginning Fall of 2008, Vanderbilt University will begin offering an MFA in creative writing.
So, that is a very interesting and exciting prospect, and I have NO IDEA how it will ever happen, but I have faith that it will happen if that is what God has for me.
I just thought I'd let you all know...

When I feel like nothing matters

At all points in my life, there is always a song that seems to suit what I am going through at any given time. Right now, the song that suits my mood is one called "Anyway" by Martina McBride. If you don't like country that's too bad. Please don't comment on your dislike country music on this post because it is irrelevant and has nothing to do with the post and I already know which of you don't like country, so I don't need to hear it again. The lyrics of the song that suits my mood at the moment are as follows:

You can spend your whole life building,

Something from nothing

One storm can come and blow it all away,

Build it anyway

You can chase a dream

That seems so out of reach

And you know it might not ever come your way

Dream it anyway

Chorus

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good

And when I pray

It doesn’t always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway,

I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy

And it’s hard to believe

That tomorrow will be better than today

Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart,

For all the right reasons,

And in a moment they can choose to walk away

Love ‘em anyway

(Repeat Chorus)

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good

And when I pray

It doesn’t always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway,

I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing

A song you believe in

That tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang

Sing it anyway,

Yeah sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love

Anyway

Mostly, the reason why this song is so timely for me is because I actually tend to do the opposite. When I start to think things don't matter, or when I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, I actually just give up. I don't do it anyway. I just stop doing anything. I mostly just sleep and watch TV. Yes, I know, bad habit, blah blah blah. That's why I'm posting the song, as a reminder to myself to do 'it' even though it never seems to change anything. To pray even though my life continues to remain the same. To go to the gym even though it hurts. To keep writing even though I don't think it's any good. To clean even though nobody will see it if I don't. To talk to my friends even though all I think I want is to be alone. I'm trying to work on doing it anyway. On valuing my commitments to myself as much as I value my commitments to others. I would never treat another person the way that I treat myself. If I told someone else that I would meet them somewhere, I would be there, probably early. But if I tell myself that I'm going to do something, I usually just blow it off. This needs to stop. I need to keep my commitments to myself in the same way that I would keep my commitments to others. Only in this way can I keep my commitments to God.

Some thoughts on the Sabbath

This morning I heard a lot of talk about pruning that happened during the sabbath--I did not experience the same pruning. I am usually not lacking in the pruning department. For me, it's usually the regrowth that is so hard. During the sabbath, this is more of what I experienced. I am always cut to the heart when we have talks focused on how beautiful we are as God created us. I've always battled with self-confidence issues, and before the sabbath, I was terrified that it was going to be an incredibly lonely time for me. I thought nobody would want to see me and so I would be spending the whole time alone. But something happened during this time that I didn't count on, or realize. I didn't hate the time that I was alone, but even more, when people that I know mentioned getting together, I truly believed that they wanted to see me. I knew that it wasn't just lip service. I also realized that it was time to let go of a burden I didn't need anymore. For more details on that, you can visit my other blog at spkn4_4ever.livejournal.com. The post there is a cathartic rant of sorts, and if you are easily offended by language, you may not want to go there, but Plucky encouraged me to share it with the Hillside bloggers, so there it is for your perusal if you so choose.
So, in the end, I feel more confident in my ability to make friends, and I have pruned a friendship that was more damaging than anything...

For Women Only

I mean it! If you are a male and you are still reading this STOP NOW!

As some of you ladies know, there is a surgery I am working towards. I have created a separate journal for the purpose of detailing my experiences. This journal is for WOMEN ONLY PLEASE!!!!

This ladies only journal is here. I have made my first post and will be making more as soon as I find out more about this.

Ten Years Later (Warning: Long Post)

It's amazing how little people can change over ten years, though their lives are drastically different. Yesterday I attended my ten year high school reunion. The most enjoyable part of the whole experience was making people try to guess who I am. While most of my classmates looked exactly like they did in high school, I do not. I have, fortunately, overcome the unfortunate experience of looking like I was twelve, as I did ten years ago. In fact now, I can sometimes even pass for twenty-one. Please, no comments about how lucky I am to look young. I am fully aware that I will appreciate it later, but right now, it does not work to my advantage. But enough about that.
The day's events started with a barbecue at the park. I arrived to find only a few people so far, all of whom were actually responsible for planning the event. This was despite the fact that I intentionally showed up about five minutes late so that I wasn't the first person there. And still I was there before people really started showing up. I walked up to the event organizers and they looked at me as though they were about to tell me that the area was reserved and then one of them recognized me. They were actually quicker than most, possibly because they have seen a more recent picture of me since I did post a picture on classmates.com. I found myself talking with a girl whose name is also a month. We had a couple of classes together and she was always kind to me in high school, but we didn't exactly travel with the same crowds. Most of my friends were actually a year behind me in school. While talking to this girl, I found out that she also had younger friends in school. We chatted until more people began to show up and we started to great them as they arrived. After about 20 people had showed up, it was time for the food to begin. The guys (spouses and fiances of the organizers) brought over the hamburgers and hot dogs and dug in. I sat next to the girl with a name like a month and across from culinary school drop-out. On my other side was the child of one of my former classmates that I didn't recognize until someone else said his name. Apparently this was mutual because he sat next to me for a half an hour talking to all of us before he finally looked at me and said "Jeni Hardie!!! I finally figured out who I was talking to!" That was probably the most amusing moment of the entire barbecue, though I did get a lot of looks of shock from people who didn't recognize me until I took my sunglasses off.
A short time after the most amusing experience of the barbecue came the most awkward moment of the entire day. I was sitting at the check in table with the girl with a name like a month and who should appear but Momma's Boy, aka my last boyfriend from 9 years ago. Yes, I know it's been 9 years, and I do no wish things had gone any differently, but there's just something about seeing him that just made me feel so bitter. The thing is, he knew what I was going through at the time we were dating. I told him that I was cutting myself, and he called me a liar. He made no attempt to help me-- he told me that what I was doing was stupid (I won't argue that point, but at the time, it really didn't help) and that he just couldn't deal with it. Needless to say the relationship did not end on good terms, and what I did afterwards did nothing to help my memories of him. At any rate, when he came to the table to check in with his wife (who was actually one of my friends from the class of 1998, poor soul) she came to talk to me while I pretended he didn't exist. Fortunately for me, it seems that he didn't recognize me either. I spent most of the rest of the barbecue talking to Renaissance Girl (Momma's Boy's wife) and the wives of two guys I've known since kindergarten (who also happen to be a couple of my class of 98 friends--yes, a lot of people I know married each other!) After I'd been talking to them for a while, Momma's boy came over, looked at me and said "Holy crap! Jeni! I didn't recognize you with your dark hair," and then he sat down with Renaissance girl, which I took as my cue to go talk to somebody else. I chatted with Culinary School Drop-out for a little while, he introduced me to two of his three kids. The barbecue wrapped up and we all began to leave, only to meet up again in the evening for the dinner and dancing event.
I had purchased a new outfit for the dinner event when I went shopping on Friday. I went home and relaxed for an hour or so before it was time to start getting ready for the evening event. I gave my hair a good dousing with hairspray and unsuccessfully attempted to curl it. As is par for the course with my hair, despite spending an hour with a curling iron, all I ended up with was straight hair with curled under ends and a little bit of extra volume. I know some curly haired people would pay good money for hair as straight as mine, but it truly is a nightmare trying to curl this hair. At any rate, I did my hair, I put on full makeup, which you all know I very rarely do, and I got dressed for the party. Once again, I was one of the first to arrive. This time, it was good to be early because there were a lot of jokes about "the chicken or the fish" and it was just rather entertaining.
Jewelry Seller asked me to sit at a table with her and her husband. Also joining us at the table were Baby Voice and Goalie Girl along with their husbands. We had one more open seat at our table which was being reserved for Madame President. She didn't show up until dinner was nearly over. Dessert was already being served when she arrived, along with ES Bully. The dinner was nothing special. The salmon was good, but not great. The risotto was awful and our whole table laughed each time the servers returned to the back with another pile of yellow mush. The dessert made up for the risotto that tasted of dirty dishwater. It was a strawberry mousse in a chocolate cup (much like the miniature versions you can find in the buffet.)
After dinner, they subjected us to the utter torture of watching the senior slide show, which was awful the first time around and even more agonizing this time. Of course the people who were buddy buddy with the yearbook teacher/student council adviser enjoyed it, because it was filled with pictures of them. The rest of us who did not go drinking at Pyramid Lake with the yearbook teacher were lucky if we even had ONE picture in the slide show.
Next, we opened the time capsule (which was apparently created at one of the Pyramid Lake parties, because most of us had no knowledge of its existence).
Finally it was time for dancing/mingling. I found myself chatting with Madame President who seemed really excited to see me, even though we were never friends. Then I moved on to Captain Pompous, whom I've known since third grade, and therefore I am able to overlook his pompous nature. I then went back out to chat with my my class of 98 friends, but before long I was drug onto the dance floor by Birdy, which was rather shocking because he is one of the "popular crowd." He was one of the guys that everyone had looked forward to seeing. Don't think this is going anywhere, because he was totally smashed at the time and will probably not remember that it happened. He may or may not also be married. At any rate, he insisted that I go dance, which I had been avoiding because I felt like I didn't belong there because only the "popular crowd people were dancing". After one dance, he disappeared and I went to go sit by Miss Hawaii (and when I say that, I mean it... she really was Miss Hawaii--and she actually was one of my friends in high school). I talked with her for a little while, but was drug back onto the dance floor by Birdy. He disappeared, but Madame President insisted that I had to stay and dance anyway and Fashion Queen agreed. (Fashion Queen is a girl I've known since kindergarten, we were in Girl Scouts together and she was probably the most popular girl in school every year, and yet she still remained one of the kindest people I've ever met. I cannot ever remember her being mean to even a single person...) At any rate, somehow I ended up dancing for the rest of the night, with people I had been intimidated by in high school. It was actually kind of empowering. I don' know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but it made me feel so good. The evening ended a little after eleven and the girl with a name like a month wanted to exchange phone numbers so we can hang out sometime, and Madame President also suggested that she'd like to hang out sometime. The people who had been my friends before did nothing to attempt to keep in contact. It was rather a surprising outcome. I expected to meet up with old friends, but I never expected to make new friends. It's nice to know that I can still do that...