Come what may

An interesting thing happened this weekend. I have been pondering the idea of buying a condo for a little while now. Every once in a while, I get the urge to look again, just for the heck of it. Yesterday I saw once that I'd be somewhat interested in. Just out of curiosity, I started checking around in other cities to see what I could get for the same amount of money. I discovered that for the same amount of money that I would spend on a mediocre 864 sq ft condo here, I could buy a 1900 sq ft, three bedroom, two bath house with a large yard elsewhere. Where, you might be asking. Nashville. I love Nashville and the cost of living there always makes me wish that I had a reason to live there. Once again, yesterday, I sat discussing with my dad how much I wish I had a reason to live there.
As some of you may know, at one point I did think I might have a reason to live there. I visited a college there about getting a Masters in Creative Writing. I had already been accepted. But when I really thought about it, it wasn't what I really wanted. I didn't want to live an hour outside of Nashville, and I didn't want to settle for a Masters in Creative Writing, when what I really wanted was a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. This is where things start to get interesting. Last night, I was talking to Becky, and she was pondering grad school, and I have never really stopped pondering it, but they just have never had the programs that I'm interested in available in a city I'd like to live in. For some reason, I decided to check out the web page for Vanderbilt (in Nashville) and see what masters programs they do have. I'd looked into it before and they didn't have an MFA program. Imagine my surprise when I arrived at their web page to find that beginning Fall of 2008, Vanderbilt University will begin offering an MFA in creative writing.
So, that is a very interesting and exciting prospect, and I have NO IDEA how it will ever happen, but I have faith that it will happen if that is what God has for me.
I just thought I'd let you all know...

When I feel like nothing matters

At all points in my life, there is always a song that seems to suit what I am going through at any given time. Right now, the song that suits my mood is one called "Anyway" by Martina McBride. If you don't like country that's too bad. Please don't comment on your dislike country music on this post because it is irrelevant and has nothing to do with the post and I already know which of you don't like country, so I don't need to hear it again. The lyrics of the song that suits my mood at the moment are as follows:

You can spend your whole life building,

Something from nothing

One storm can come and blow it all away,

Build it anyway

You can chase a dream

That seems so out of reach

And you know it might not ever come your way

Dream it anyway

Chorus

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good

And when I pray

It doesn’t always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway,

I do it anyway

This world’s gone crazy

And it’s hard to believe

That tomorrow will be better than today

Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart,

For all the right reasons,

And in a moment they can choose to walk away

Love ‘em anyway

(Repeat Chorus)

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good

And when I pray

It doesn’t always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway,

I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing

A song you believe in

That tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang

Sing it anyway,

Yeah sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love

Anyway

Mostly, the reason why this song is so timely for me is because I actually tend to do the opposite. When I start to think things don't matter, or when I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, I actually just give up. I don't do it anyway. I just stop doing anything. I mostly just sleep and watch TV. Yes, I know, bad habit, blah blah blah. That's why I'm posting the song, as a reminder to myself to do 'it' even though it never seems to change anything. To pray even though my life continues to remain the same. To go to the gym even though it hurts. To keep writing even though I don't think it's any good. To clean even though nobody will see it if I don't. To talk to my friends even though all I think I want is to be alone. I'm trying to work on doing it anyway. On valuing my commitments to myself as much as I value my commitments to others. I would never treat another person the way that I treat myself. If I told someone else that I would meet them somewhere, I would be there, probably early. But if I tell myself that I'm going to do something, I usually just blow it off. This needs to stop. I need to keep my commitments to myself in the same way that I would keep my commitments to others. Only in this way can I keep my commitments to God.