Coming Home Again

So, there is something to be said for coming home again.  I just got home on Sunday from a 10 day vacation and the first night home, everything felt surreal.  Even thought I've lived in Reno my whole life, it felt unfamiliar.  I mean, obviously I still knew where I was going and everything, but it somehow looked completely different.  It looked darker and brighter at the same time.  I can't really explain it.  So I found myself wondering why things felt so different.  Normally when I come home from a vacation, I am comforted by the familiarity of home - but this time I was kind of confused by the unfamiliarity of everything because I wasn't sure where it was coming from. 
I thought about it and realized that the life that I'm living now, the one that I have come home to, has not really become familiar yet.  I moved into my apartment less than a month before I left for vacation.  I have only had someone to miss when I go away for a few months.  After years and years of a life that was more lonely and empty, this current life still feels unfamiliar.  Not in a bad way, just in a way that means that there are still surprises, still new discoveries to be made, new feelings to be felt.  It's actually exciting.  Exhilarating.  I am enjoying the freshness of every new day for the first time in a very long time and it's taken the experience of coming home again to make me realize that.

Motherless Day

As Mother's Day approaches, the television and radio stations are filled with advertisements for potential Mother's Day gifts.  I hear the beginnings of the commercials, then I have to change the station.  I don't want to think about what all of these people all over the country will be doing to honor their mothers while I am sitting at home wishing that I still had that privilege.  I am struggling, particularly because Mother's Day falls on the 13th this year.  I miss my mom because she was my best friend  - she was the one that I turned to for advice and also shared all of my happy times with. 
I know that my dad is having a difficult time right now, too.  It's hard because for the past two years I've had all the time in the world to spend with him, and now I don't.  It's hard to balance moving forward in my life while also honoring my dad and taking care of him as much as I can.  I know that he's a grown man and capable of taking care of himself, and yet in some ways he's not because until two years ago, he never really had to.  So missing my mom has so many levels.  I know that she would want me to be living my life.  She would be so happy for the good things that are happening for me right now.  She would want me to be enjoying every minute of this.  And I want to be able to do that.  But I also need to make sure my dad is taking care of himself, that he is not isolating himself - because I love and care about him - and also because nobody else is going to step up and do it.  I only pray that I can be the daughter that my mom raised me to be even though she's not here anymore.  And I pray that I can find a balance to living my own life while still taking care of my dad.