The recent crises at work have left me feeling rather contemplative. My novel has not been going well because of the time spent at work, but I don't resent this because I need to be there during this. I have a co-worker who is experiencing some things that I've experienced in the past, which is the cause of the contemplative mood. The contemplative mood got me wondering why I was having such a hard time with the story that I'm trying to write. And I thought I felt a nudge that this is not the story I need to be telling right now. That I need to go back to one that I've already started and failed to finish. I need to finish writing MY story. The one about how I reached where I am right now. The one I was still too involved in to write a year ago. The one I'm not sure I want to finish.
What's that? Why would I not want to finish it? But the problem is, if I finish it, I have to do something with it. And if I do something with it, I have to tell my parents a lot of things that they don't know that I'm not sure how they will take it. And yet I feel a nudge back toward this project. It is the time. Now that I'm more secure in myself. Now that I know people who need to read it.
Which brings me back to work. As I said, I have a co-worker who is experiencing some things that I experience in the past. And I know that Jesus is the only one who can fix these problems. I don't even know yet if this co-worker will be returning to work, but I'm afraid for that time. I was talking to my only Christian co-worker about this and he told me that maybe that's what I'm still at the Evil K for. This terrifies me. Right in the middle of the time when I'm trying to escape, right when it seemed it was time to leave, and all of a sudden there appears to be a reason for me to be there. I mean, I know that there's always purpose, but this is a big thing. It almost feels too big for me to handle if this co-worker comes back to work. I don't know how to do it. I know that I don't have to worry about it because God will take care of the timing and give me direction, but that doesn't stop me from worrying, even though I know that worrying does no good. At any any rate, I know that this all sounds like a crazy, jumbled mess in this context, but if I talk to you in person, I'll be sure to explain...
Over and out!
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