The Garden

This post is kind of a response to a comment on my recent post entitled "Friendship Revisited". I said that I was feeling it necessary to proceed in this friendship with caution, and I received a comment that I needed to be willing to take risks. I have also have several conversations since then with others during which I expressed a desire to not talk to this particular friend. Nobody seems to quite understand where I am coming from, and I really don't know how to explain it. And then I came across something in the book I've been reading that expresses my feelings perfectly--much better than I could have done on my own. The book is called Revelations of a Single Woman. And in one chapter, the author explains a relationship/friendship much like my own in which her desires are completely different than those of the man involved. And here is the letter that she wrote in response to him when he questioned her for pulling away:

Okay Simon. Please let me explain something. You are right when you sense that I am "pulling back," but I'd like to take a minute to explain. See, Simon, a woman's heart is a lot like a garden. There are, in the garden, public areas. This is where almost anyone can traverse (read: decent colleagues, the kind checker at the grocery store, the rare person on the subway who gives up his or her seat, neighbors who want to borrow a tool, parents of friends, little kids in the park, etc.) Then there is the center of her garden. It's a special place, reserved ultimately for the person who wants to commit to "husband her garden permanently," so to speak. (I know you're into etymology, Simon. I guess you know that the word husband is actually an agricultural term.)
Anyhow, the tricky part, of course, is that there's this in-between place, somewhere between the inner sanctum and the outer ring, and that's where this all gets confusing. Basically, Simon, the folks I let into this more fluid in-between part are some key family members, longtime girlfriends, a few guys I consider brothers, my boss who I know cares for me, and guys who are interested in exploring the idea of entering into that inner sanctum. The problem, Simon, is that once a guy whom I like--and Simon, I have felt chemistry between us--decides he's not particularly interested in long term inner-sanctum husbandry, I can't let him wander all around the middle ground anymore. If I do, then he inevitably crosses lines he doesn't know he's crossing, and I inevitable try to pull him into the center. He can't figure out why I'm all upset (because, afterall, he was honest about his lack of intentions), and I keep hoping I'm going to change him. That, Simon, is a recipe for disaster.
So, brother Simon, that's the scoop. I hope this helps. I do care about you, and I want you in my public areas, so to speak. But in light of everything you've said, for now, that's all I can invite.


Don't get me wrong... This is not to say that I'm giving up entirely. However, this is to say that at this point, all I am prepared to do is sit back and wait, come what may. I am tired of the tug-of-war and now that I know where things stand, I am no longer trying to pull someone into my inner garden who doesn't want to be there, and I am hoping to meet someone, new or old, who is interested in going there...