This morning I heard a lot of talk about pruning that happened during the sabbath--I did not experience the same pruning. I am usually not lacking in the pruning department. For me, it's usually the regrowth that is so hard. During the sabbath, this is more of what I experienced. I am always cut to the heart when we have talks focused on how beautiful we are as God created us. I've always battled with self-confidence issues, and before the sabbath, I was terrified that it was going to be an incredibly lonely time for me. I thought nobody would want to see me and so I would be spending the whole time alone. But something happened during this time that I didn't count on, or realize. I didn't hate the time that I was alone, but even more, when people that I know mentioned getting together, I truly believed that they wanted to see me. I knew that it wasn't just lip service. I also realized that it was time to let go of a burden I didn't need anymore. For more details on that, you can visit my other blog at spkn4_4ever.livejournal.com. The post there is a cathartic rant of sorts, and if you are easily offended by language, you may not want to go there, but Plucky encouraged me to share it with the Hillside bloggers, so there it is for your perusal if you so choose.
So, in the end, I feel more confident in my ability to make friends, and I have pruned a friendship that was more damaging than anything...
2 comments:
Authenticity often offends, Jeni . . . I'm proud of you for being courageous enough to set and keep boundaries and for keeping it real . . .
Jeni...your process of hearing something being said, whether by God or by people, and having to process it through a grid of not believing it is such a good process of pruning...because on the other side, as you find out through this experience you found that it was true and getting surprised by those truths.....
One thing I've been meditating on in the Hungarian language is that the word for "God's word" is actually translated to "God's verb.." His action word in our life. Isn't that good? So, when God speaks something like a promise or a truth.....it's an action word in our life and if we receive it and allow it to do it's work, it will transform us....very cool...
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