Right Place, Right Time

I have to say that today's message at church hit quite close to home. In fact it was bordering on too close for comfort. I have been battling hopelessness for the last month and as I wrote earlier this week, things are starting to pick up a bit, but it was still lingering right there in the corner waiting for me to let it back in. But something struck me today when Noel was speaking and said that God never gives up hope on us. And immediately I thought, if God never gives up hope on us, who are we to give up on ourselves. And now that I am aware of this, I'm hoping I can keep guard over all of the weak spots where hopelessness can sneak in. So as part of that, I will list my current weaknesses so that I can be reminded to keep closer watch so as not to let hopelessness overtake me in these areas.
1. Loneliness: I am always afraid that it's never going to end. I do most things alone and this doesn't leave me thinking that I have no hope of ever escaping this situation except when my friends flake on me or leave me out. This is when I am most vulnerable to hopelessness in this area.
2. My Physical Being: I am feeling particularly frustrated with this right now. I had been doing pretty well with working out a few times a week before my surgery. I was struggling, but I could still do it. After the surgery, I feel much better in my neck, shoulders and back, but I was kind of out of commission as far as working out goes for a couple of months. Now as I've been trying to get back in the swing of things physically, I'm coming up against massive barriers. In general on the day to day, I feel good, but when it's time to go walking, I have a whole new crop of problems popping up (actually it's old problems getting worse). This is frustrating for me, because I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I usually can just push through it and I'm fine. But what I'm dealing with right now has progressed to the point that I can't just push through it. It doesn't really affect my every day life, but it's affecting my ability to complete a workout. I feel like I should be able to suck it up and the fact that I can't is making me feel hopeless. I'm trying to get it taken care of but I wish it would come faster. I will be on the lookout for any leaks of hopelessness here.
3. My Job- I don't hate my job and I appreciate the schedule. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I actually like my job, but I'm indifferent to it. It doesn't really keep me from connecting with other human beings, so that's a plus. At the same time, my days don't go by nearly as quickly as I would like them to. My job is not all that challenging and can be quite repetitive. It is tolerable and consistent which is a vast improvement over the Evil K. I still find the situation a bit hopeless. I don't see myself moving up because I do not have an outwardly confident nature. I don't interview well, and I don't generally know how to go about moving myself upward. I'm not good at finding opportunities for myself, particularly in such a large company. I had been looking forward to starting taking classes again, but I have discovered that right now I don't have the money for the class I wanted to take, which contributes to the hopelessness. I will have to keep my eyes on the sky for direction in what I should be doing in terms of finding my real career.

That it all for now... This may be continued later, depending how I feel the next time I blog...