As my 30th birthday approaches, I am receiving a lot of solicited and unsolicited advice from well-meaning friends, family and co-workers. The only ones who are offering no advice are the ones who most relate and understand to how I'm feeling. Most people seem to think that it's unnatural for me to NOT be excited by this birthday or that I'm making a big deal about nothing. And they're probably right. I probably should be excited and I probably shouldn't be thinking that I'll be depressed. But the reality is I know myself-- this is another landmark birthday that will be passing with my dreams still floating in the distance unfulfilled, and I don't tend to deal with that sort of thing very well. I want to be excited. I'm trying to make the experience as fun-filled and pain free as I possibly can. I'm trying to plan activities and vacations so that I will not have time to isolate myself or hole myself up in my apartment.
I really don' have much more to say than that, right now. I am excited about the things I have coming up-- I'm excited about quite a few things in September. I just pray that the excitement will last through the fall. I don't want to be the one who cries all the time about things that she has no control over. I don't want to be the person who isn't grateful for the good things in her life. I do want to be the person whose joy is contagious, whose smile is genuine, whose eyes do not betray some hidden emotion.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Trying New Things and Finding Comfort in the Old
Today was a day of trying new things... A lot of new things in one day for me. But the day started with an old thing that was quite enjoyable. First thing this morning, I went to I-Hop for breakfast with one of my friends from the days at the Evil K, who also happens to be a former roommate (in fact, probably the best roommate I ever had, besides my brother...) This is something that we used to do fairly regularly back in the Evil K days, but don't do so often now. It was a pleasant morning and well worth the sleep that was sacrificed.
Church was good in that since the group that I've now become accustomed to joining with for communion was completely absent, I was forced to reach out again and join somebody different. It's been almost a year since I had to do that! But I think I've grown more confident. This time, instead of going to somebody that I know, who would of course not turn me away (not that anybody would-- but my heart sometimes fears it), I went to somebody new, who I didn't already know. This is a new thing for me, having the confidence to believe that new people WILL accept me.
Another new thing I intend to try as a result of the message today: having the confidence to act on my potential. Yes, there was a lot of talk about hypocrisy and such, but what stood out to me was the little snippet about potential-- about God taking us and pulling out the potential that is already within us. Now, I don't have trouble RECOGNIZING the potential, I'm usually just too afraid to act on it. I'm afraid to fail, to not be good enough, to not LIVE UP to the potential. So what I need is to have the confidence in myself, as God does, as well as the confidence in God, to believe that I can do what God has for me-- that He will help me to do it. That would be new.
Later, in another new thing, I asked to join OTHER people in prayer at the end of the service. And not just any other people, but other people who generally intimidate me... This was an attempt to be more confident.
More new things: after church, I went to meet my family at Legends for lunch in celebration of the sis-in-law's birthday. We went to Jazz: A Louisiana Kitchen. This was my first time visiting the Legends "mall" or whatever you want to call it. Also, our lunch was my first time trying SEVERAL new foods: grits (didn't like 'em), fried okra (it was okay), breaded crawfish (was really good) and most interesting-- alligator bites (yes, they really are alligator meat...) It was fun and the food was tasty.
And back to the old, comforting things: I am now sitting at home, relaxing watching House on DVD. It's very comforting to do some of the same old things, particularly when there are some things this week that I am worried about. I find confidence in doing new things and having them work out, but I find peace in doing some of the same old things that I've been doing for years.
Church was good in that since the group that I've now become accustomed to joining with for communion was completely absent, I was forced to reach out again and join somebody different. It's been almost a year since I had to do that! But I think I've grown more confident. This time, instead of going to somebody that I know, who would of course not turn me away (not that anybody would-- but my heart sometimes fears it), I went to somebody new, who I didn't already know. This is a new thing for me, having the confidence to believe that new people WILL accept me.
Another new thing I intend to try as a result of the message today: having the confidence to act on my potential. Yes, there was a lot of talk about hypocrisy and such, but what stood out to me was the little snippet about potential-- about God taking us and pulling out the potential that is already within us. Now, I don't have trouble RECOGNIZING the potential, I'm usually just too afraid to act on it. I'm afraid to fail, to not be good enough, to not LIVE UP to the potential. So what I need is to have the confidence in myself, as God does, as well as the confidence in God, to believe that I can do what God has for me-- that He will help me to do it. That would be new.
Later, in another new thing, I asked to join OTHER people in prayer at the end of the service. And not just any other people, but other people who generally intimidate me... This was an attempt to be more confident.
More new things: after church, I went to meet my family at Legends for lunch in celebration of the sis-in-law's birthday. We went to Jazz: A Louisiana Kitchen. This was my first time visiting the Legends "mall" or whatever you want to call it. Also, our lunch was my first time trying SEVERAL new foods: grits (didn't like 'em), fried okra (it was okay), breaded crawfish (was really good) and most interesting-- alligator bites (yes, they really are alligator meat...) It was fun and the food was tasty.
And back to the old, comforting things: I am now sitting at home, relaxing watching House on DVD. It's very comforting to do some of the same old things, particularly when there are some things this week that I am worried about. I find confidence in doing new things and having them work out, but I find peace in doing some of the same old things that I've been doing for years.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)