I thought that accomplishing something would fill something that was lacking in my life. And in a way it has. I really am learning to value myself enough to keep my commitments to myself. It really is a good thing. But in another sense I feel like it hasn't changed anything. While I'm valuing myself in my own life, I still feel like I'm standing still while everything moves and changes around me. I am seeing friends and family members all around having their dreams come true- weddings, babies, graduations, careers, all of it. And here I am living- every day the same as the one before. Nothing bad happening, which is a blessing, but nothing good either. Just the same old stuff, different day.
I am struggling to find peace with God's timing. I know in my head that His timing is perfect and if things aren't happening for me, it's because it's just not the right time yet. But my heart is impatient after all of these years that I've been waiting for my turn.
The other day after my yoga class, one of the other students asked if I was writing about my experience working toward completing 60 classes in 60 days. She'd heard that I was a writer (I'm not quite sure how) and she thought it would be a good thing to write about. I was ashamed to admit that it hadn't really occurred to me. I suppose writing will be the next commitment to myself that I need to work on keeping while I'm waiting for God's timing to bring me a family to love.
3 comments:
I was here . . . Don't really have anything pithy, provocative or profound, but I was here nonetheless . . .
I am glad to hear that you will be making a commitment to write. I enjoy your writings and yoga so if you do decide to write about both, it will be a guaranteed win, win for me. I can't wait to hear about 60 days of yoga and my friend jeni.
Plucky- Thanks for stoppin' by...
Noel- Thanks for stoppin' by also, and thanks for the encouragement. :)
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