She Let Herself Go

Subtitle: The Things She Gave Up

I've been trying to formulate this post in my head since last Thursday, and still it's a jumbled mess, but I'm going to post it anyway.

He wondered how she'd take it when he said goodbye.
Thought she might do some cryin': lose some sleep at night.
But he had no idea, when he hit the road,
That without him in her life, she'd let herself go.

Let herself go on a singles cruise,
To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.
Let herself go to New York City:
A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.
When he said he didn't love her no more,
She let herself go.

(Lyrics by George Strait, from the song "She Let Herself Go")


She's always been too passionate for her own good. Some of her friends called her a hopeless romantic, and some just called her hopeless because of how hard she fell. They all watched her as she built a life where everything she did was an attempt to win his love. His interests became hers, leaving her uncertain where her real dreams ended and his began.
She has a passion for all things artistic--writing, singing, acting, dancing--but lately her passion has been sputtering, like an airplane engine just before the fatal crash. She has found her well of imagination drying out. All the tears have dried up, leaving nothing but salt behind, a course salt that is rough to the touch. She used to love writing, but now the only thing she writes are prayers that God would take the pain away. She used to sing with a joyful heart, and now the songs feel like a burden. She used to want to learn to dance the waltz, perhaps the tango, even though she's never been graceful. But his impatience at her imperfection took away all of the fun in learning to dance. She hasn't danced since.
All these things she gave up because of him, it's time to pick them back up again. It's time that she let herself go... to a dance class or two; to the park to write about something that doesn't involve him; to a movie he would hate, just because she could; to bed without dreaming of him...