Wishing You

A HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

When Not to Trust

I have been told by numerous people in my life, but most frequently by my mother, that I am too trusting and too forgiving. On one occasion, a friend forgot to show up for my birthday dinner. I was upset, but I forgave the friend. To this day, my mom still holds a grudge against that person. I used to ignore her because I thought that there is no such thing as being TOO trusting or TOO forgiving. And yet, everytime I choose to forgive and forget, I end up being let down repeatedly by that person. I know forgiving is a good thing, as is trusting, and I still deny that it's possible to be TOO forgiving. But I'm starting to wonder about the TOO trusting. If someone tells me that they are going to do something, than I usually take that person at his/her word. But more times than not, I end up being disappointed. On the less important end of the spectrum, I don't go see a movie that I really want to see because person a says she wants to go see it with me, and then I end up missing it. Or I don't bring lunch to work because person b says that he's going to bring me something. Those obviously aren't that big of issues. But if I can't trust people to do the small things that they said they would do, how can I possibly trust them on the big things. It's one thing to call and say "hey, I can't make it after all." I'm perfectly fine with that. But to just blow it off altogether, just makes me mad. It makes me not want to be around the people who don't keep their word and never apologize for the broken promise or forgetting the plans. So at what point is it okay to be skeptical of what others tell us? Should we continue to trust them when they've given us no reason to?

To Tell or Not To Tell...

The recent crises at work have left me feeling rather contemplative. My novel has not been going well because of the time spent at work, but I don't resent this because I need to be there during this. I have a co-worker who is experiencing some things that I've experienced in the past, which is the cause of the contemplative mood. The contemplative mood got me wondering why I was having such a hard time with the story that I'm trying to write. And I thought I felt a nudge that this is not the story I need to be telling right now. That I need to go back to one that I've already started and failed to finish. I need to finish writing MY story. The one about how I reached where I am right now. The one I was still too involved in to write a year ago. The one I'm not sure I want to finish.
What's that? Why would I not want to finish it? But the problem is, if I finish it, I have to do something with it. And if I do something with it, I have to tell my parents a lot of things that they don't know that I'm not sure how they will take it. And yet I feel a nudge back toward this project. It is the time. Now that I'm more secure in myself. Now that I know people who need to read it.
Which brings me back to work. As I said, I have a co-worker who is experiencing some things that I experience in the past. And I know that Jesus is the only one who can fix these problems. I don't even know yet if this co-worker will be returning to work, but I'm afraid for that time. I was talking to my only Christian co-worker about this and he told me that maybe that's what I'm still at the Evil K for. This terrifies me. Right in the middle of the time when I'm trying to escape, right when it seemed it was time to leave, and all of a sudden there appears to be a reason for me to be there. I mean, I know that there's always purpose, but this is a big thing. It almost feels too big for me to handle if this co-worker comes back to work. I don't know how to do it. I know that I don't have to worry about it because God will take care of the timing and give me direction, but that doesn't stop me from worrying, even though I know that worrying does no good. At any any rate, I know that this all sounds like a crazy, jumbled mess in this context, but if I talk to you in person, I'll be sure to explain...

Over and out!

How Far I've Come

Today something happened at work that made me realize once again/even more so, how far I've come in the six years that Jesus has been in my life. I can't really be very specific in this forum, but I feel extremely blessed when I think about how much has changed, even in the last year. Here's a brief list of a few of them, just to get them out there, and because I want God to be glorified through them:

1. Last year, after I actually sought to find healing for some things in my past at the recommendation of a good friend (you know who you are), the anniversary of the events in question came and went without me actually realizing it. Since that time, it has become more of a story of victory for me, rather than another reason to beat myself up.

2. Last year, after I made the decision that I'd like to lead a small group was also the time when I actually began tithing regularly from every paycheck. When I made that choice, I had SIX credit cards that still needed to be paid off (see Aug. 3, 2005 post) and I had been struggling to pay some of them off for over FIVE years. Now, just over a year later, I will only have ONE credit card left to pay off as of this Friday.

3. Sometime last fall, because of something that someone *cough*scoey*cough* said, I recognized that I was very reclusive at church--that I tended to just hang out in a corner waiting for someone to come and talk to me, rather than actually going out and making the effort to talk the them. In the last year, I have been told that I've become somewhat of a social butterfly. Hmmm, amazing, isn't it?

These are just a few key examples of WONDERFUL things God has done in my life in the last year or so. Perhaps I will add more in a couple of weeks in honor of Thanksgiving.

P.S. To anyone who's wondering about the novel word count, I will have to update that after I get a bit more caught up. We are currently in crisis mode at work, and so I will have to catch up this weekend.

Checking in

Even if nobody is reading this, I'm checking in with my progress, anyway because I'm hoping that if I stop, someone will kick my butt back into gear. So here it is:

Current word count: 5,262
Where I should be: 5,100
Current page count: 13 1/4
Words to go: 44,738

Keepin' it moving!

Current word count: 3,474
Current page count: almost nine
Words to go: 46,526

That is all. I will resume in the morning.

That's what the weekend is for!

Current word count: 1826
Where I should be: 3400

The good news is, today is my Friday, and the weekend is a GREAT time to catch up my word count! :)