Too Much Work

Warning: mopey post ahead.

Right now I'm in a period where doing anything but hanging out at home and either sleeping or watching TV is too much work. That doesn't mean I'm not going to do other things. Obviously I HAVE to go to work even though the last time I want to do is talk on the phone all day. I have been praying that this is not obvious to the people I am helping, and I think it's working because more people than usual have actually told me how helpful I am. I don't feel helpful, but perception is everything...
Today I wanted to stay home rather than going to the gigantic humongous dinner or whatever you want to call it. I wanted to stay home despite the fact that I thought we would be sitting at small tables having personal conversations with the people sharing a meal with us. I was disappointed when I arrived and found three MASSIVE tables with people stretched end to end. After all, a crowd is the last thing I feel like dealing with when I'm in this mood. I tried (unsuccessfully) to find the meaningful conversations I had been looking for. While I racked up quite a few hugs, which is common with this crowd, and always helps a little, the whole thing felt a bit impersonal to me. I know that it's just me, that most people enjoy getting together with lots of people all at once. I know it's probably for the best that I made myself get out rather than staying at home moping.
Tomorrow, I will force myself to get out again and my time with the kiddos will be better than staring at the glowing tube of doom with that glazed over look that I get when I don't even care enough to actually follow what I'm watching.
And Thursday I will be going goth. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm hoping that making a joke out of the day will make me feel a little bit better. I don't actually care about Valentine's Day and wouldn't want to celebrate it even if I had someone to celebrate it with, but the fact that it's nearly here is causing people to talk even more about their relationships, both positive and negative. I'm finding myself being a jerk and resenting the people who are talking about how great their relationships are, and being disgusted with the people who are talking about how bad their relationships are because they come across as ungrateful. Once again, I am aware that it is me being a jerk and if I wasn't in this mopey depressed mode I probably wouldn't be feeling like that toward people.
And Friday I decided to take the day off from work. Just because. So I'm going to spend the day doing things I enjoy, which will hopefully help get past this crappy phase. I really hate feeling this way and spontaneously crying over stupid crap and not caring about anything and being even more impatient than usual.

And if you actually read this post, I promise that I will not post again until I have something more positive to say. Today I am indulging and posting my depressive rant, and tomorrow perhaps I will delete it, we'll see....