Life should be more than this...

I have, as some people have noticed, been struggling more than usual recently. I made a particularly emo post on my emo blog about part of it, but it doesn't really tell the whole story. In my life, there has almost always been a song that characterizes what I'm going through at any given time, good or bad. I've written about them here before, and they usually come to my mind unexpectedly-- sometimes they are songs that I haven't heard for months or even years. Today the song that characterizes this period of my life came to my mind. The song is "I Belong to You" by Superchick. Yes, I know Superchick is rather cheesy and such, but the song is quite true to what I am feeling right now-- so here are the lyrics:

Everybody needs to belong somewhere
life can feels so alone without someone who cares.
And when life becomes something just to get through,
that’s when I’m glad that I belong to you.

I belong to you,I belong to you,
you’re the one who will never let me down,
won’t let me down.
I belong to you.
Lord I belong to you.

Sometimes life brings more pain than we can bear alone.
When hope is gone and I have no strength to stand on my own,
when nothing helps, there’s nothing that I can do,
you surround me and show me I belong to you.

I belong to you,I belong to you,
you’re the one who will never let me down,
won’t let me down.
I belong to you.
Lord I belong to you.

When Love is gone there’s no arms to run to anymore,
I’m all alone there’s no one for me to live for,
letting go of the things I’ve always clung to,
that’s when I need to feel that I belong to you.

I belong to you,I belong to you,
you’re the one who will never let me down,
won’t let me down.
I belong to you.
Lord I belong to you.

This is how I'm feeling, spot on. I really do have a lot of days right now that just feel like something to get through. I do feel quite alone most of the time. I do have days where Jesus is the ONLY thing keeping me living-- because without Him I'd still be living the life I was ten years ago which consisted of intentionally hurting myself and wanting to die. The skeleton in my closet is that I still sometimes think about it. I never seriously consider it anymore, but it still pops up in my head, and there are days that it takes great restraint to not punch a wall or pull out a razor blade-- but Jesus gives me the strength to make the right choice, even in the moments when there is nothing I would rather do than cause myself pain. It is the weapon in Satan's arsenal against me that only Jesus can defeat.
At any rate, the song tells where I am at and what I'm living for right now. And I'm praying for a new song to come along really soon, one that's more about hope and less about loneliness.