My Essay, as Promised

So I said that I would post my entry to the "Real Simple Magazine Life Lessons Essay Contest" on my blog after they posted the winner (not me). And so here it is-- If you don't like long, you should probably leave now. It's short for an essay, but still long for a blog post.

The question was: What was the most important day of your life?
“What was the most important day of your life?”

I look at this question and I am completely overwhelmed. After all, how can one possibly choose ONE most important moment of an entire lifetime thus far? Okay, so maybe if I was married, I might call the day I met my husband the most important moment of my life—or if I had a child, the day he or she was born might be the most important moment of my life. But my life to this point has not been quite that predictable or cliché. It has not been the life little girls dream about when they are young. There is no dream man, no dream family with 2.5 children, no dream house and no dream job. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not complaining, I am mostly happy with my life—but it’s not at all what I had thought it would be. Two major stops on my “happily ever after” timeline have already come and gone unfulfilled. In my fictional life that I created for myself, I was married by 25, had my first kid by 28 and had published my first novel by 30.
When I turned 25, I spent the first half of the year trying to get over the fact that I wasn’t married. When I turned 28, the not having a kid wasn’t quite so much of a blow because I still hadn’t (and haven’t) found the man I’m going to marry. One thing I didn’t think about is that these goals are not realistic. Yes, things could have happened this way, but they didn’t, and it’s not because I’ve failed. I would have failed if I settled for something less than I wanted just to make this happen—but it takes a stronger person to hold out for what is right, even if it means watching all of your friends get what you want and still waiting. As far as the third stop on that timeline? There’s still time for that.
Thinking about all of these things made me realize that I knew exactly which day to call the most important day of my life. I discovered that TODAY is the most important day of my life. Today I will learn to never lower my standards in an attempt to find love. Today I will be made whole again. Today I will meet my first love, and today I will let him go. Today I will go to driving school, get my license and buy my first car, and today my mother will nearly have a nervous breakdown when I come home with a flashy red car. Today I will move into my own apartment. Itwill be small and a little bit dingy, but it will be mine. Today one of my dearest friends will move halfway around the world and I will be terrified that our friendship can not, will not survive; and today I will discover I was wrong as our friendship remains solid. Today I will graduate 11th in my high school class; and today I will graduate college (just barely) one semester after changing my major, saying farewell to the teaching career I never wanted anyway. Today we will celebrate my great-grandmother’s 100th birthday, and today she will pass away. Today I will watch my little (though not in stature) brother get married before me. Today I will remember all of these days. These are just some of my todays, but each and every one of them has helped to make me the person I am on this today. And all of the todays that are yet to come—how will I choose to spend them knowing that each one is the most important day of my life?
Today is the day I get out of bed and go to work so that I can pay the bills. Today is the day I will smile at a stranger passing by and maybe he’ll smile back and maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll even stop to chat. And maybe we’ll never talk again, but maybe we will. Today is the day I will take a chance on people. I will love them in spite of the possibility that I will get hurt, or that I will hurt somebody else. Today I will put pen to paper and write something beautiful. Okay, so maybe only my mom and dad will think it’s beautiful, but it’s a start. I will just sit down and write whatever comes out because I will never write anything beautiful if I continue to write nothing at all. I will write this essay and I will mail it even though I will never be completely happy until it’s perfect—which it never will be. I will write because it’s what I love and I will not stop just because it’s not perfect.
Today is the day I choose to put my all into what I have at this moment rather than holding back, waiting for my “real life” to begin. Today is the day I celebrate and cherish the life I have rather than coveting somebody else’s. And when tomorrow becomes today, today will still be the most important day of my life. After all, there is no good that can come of always looking behind us, wishing things could be the way they used to be, or wondering where we went wrong. Glancing back and remembering the good times and learning from our mistakes is natural, even expected; like checking your rearview mirror while you’re driving. But when we continue to look behind us, we miss what lies ahead— not only the obstacles, but the joys as well. We miss the roadblocks in front of us and we crash. Or worse yet, we are so busy looking back at the love we used to have that we zoom right past the love that’s yet to come, missing out completely. Each today is a choice. We can choose to be in today and make the most of it or we can choose to be in yesterday and tomorrow, completely missing out on today.
Today is the day I move forward. I will not live in the past, nor will I worry about what the future holds, because worrying will take me nowhere. I will live today in a way that reflects who I am and what is important to me. I will stop expecting to fail. I will make a reachable goal for today and today and today. I will do what I can with what I have and nothing more or less. I will value my commitments to myself as much as I value my commitments to others. Today I will spend a little less money and a little more time on myself. I will make dinner for a friend. I will pray for contentment with a life that is nothing like I planned and expect my prayer to be answered. I will stop standing in the place I have been and take one step forward, then another and another. Today I will choose to do all of these things. And tomorrow I will have to choose to do them all over again because it will be another today… And another best day of my life.