I have, as some people have noticed, been struggling more than usual recently. I made a particularly emo post on my emo blog about part of it, but it doesn't really tell the whole story. In my life, there has almost always been a song that characterizes what I'm going through at any given time, good or bad. I've written about them here before, and they usually come to my mind unexpectedly-- sometimes they are songs that I haven't heard for months or even years. Today the song that characterizes this period of my life came to my mind. The song is "I Belong to You" by Superchick. Yes, I know Superchick is rather cheesy and such, but the song is quite true to what I am feeling right now-- so here are the lyrics:
Everybody needs to belong somewhere
life can feels so alone without someone who cares.
And when life becomes something just to get through,
that’s when I’m glad that I belong to you.
I belong to you,I belong to you,
you’re the one who will never let me down,
won’t let me down.
I belong to you.
Lord I belong to you.
Sometimes life brings more pain than we can bear alone.
When hope is gone and I have no strength to stand on my own,
when nothing helps, there’s nothing that I can do,
you surround me and show me I belong to you.
I belong to you,I belong to you,
you’re the one who will never let me down,
won’t let me down.
I belong to you.
Lord I belong to you.
When Love is gone there’s no arms to run to anymore,
I’m all alone there’s no one for me to live for,
letting go of the things I’ve always clung to,
that’s when I need to feel that I belong to you.
I belong to you,I belong to you,
you’re the one who will never let me down,
won’t let me down.
I belong to you.
Lord I belong to you.
This is how I'm feeling, spot on. I really do have a lot of days right now that just feel like something to get through. I do feel quite alone most of the time. I do have days where Jesus is the ONLY thing keeping me living-- because without Him I'd still be living the life I was ten years ago which consisted of intentionally hurting myself and wanting to die. The skeleton in my closet is that I still sometimes think about it. I never seriously consider it anymore, but it still pops up in my head, and there are days that it takes great restraint to not punch a wall or pull out a razor blade-- but Jesus gives me the strength to make the right choice, even in the moments when there is nothing I would rather do than cause myself pain. It is the weapon in Satan's arsenal against me that only Jesus can defeat.
At any rate, the song tells where I am at and what I'm living for right now. And I'm praying for a new song to come along really soon, one that's more about hope and less about loneliness.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
My Essay, as Promised
So I said that I would post my entry to the "Real Simple Magazine Life Lessons Essay Contest" on my blog after they posted the winner (not me). And so here it is-- If you don't like long, you should probably leave now. It's short for an essay, but still long for a blog post.
The question was: What was the most important day of your life?
“What was the most important day of your life?”
I look at this question and I am completely overwhelmed. After all, how can one possibly choose ONE most important moment of an entire lifetime thus far? Okay, so maybe if I was married, I might call the day I met my husband the most important moment of my life—or if I had a child, the day he or she was born might be the most important moment of my life. But my life to this point has not been quite that predictable or cliché. It has not been the life little girls dream about when they are young. There is no dream man, no dream family with 2.5 children, no dream house and no dream job. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not complaining, I am mostly happy with my life—but it’s not at all what I had thought it would be. Two major stops on my “happily ever after” timeline have already come and gone unfulfilled. In my fictional life that I created for myself, I was married by 25, had my first kid by 28 and had published my first novel by 30.
When I turned 25, I spent the first half of the year trying to get over the fact that I wasn’t married. When I turned 28, the not having a kid wasn’t quite so much of a blow because I still hadn’t (and haven’t) found the man I’m going to marry. One thing I didn’t think about is that these goals are not realistic. Yes, things could have happened this way, but they didn’t, and it’s not because I’ve failed. I would have failed if I settled for something less than I wanted just to make this happen—but it takes a stronger person to hold out for what is right, even if it means watching all of your friends get what you want and still waiting. As far as the third stop on that timeline? There’s still time for that.
Thinking about all of these things made me realize that I knew exactly which day to call the most important day of my life. I discovered that TODAY is the most important day of my life. Today I will learn to never lower my standards in an attempt to find love. Today I will be made whole again. Today I will meet my first love, and today I will let him go. Today I will go to driving school, get my license and buy my first car, and today my mother will nearly have a nervous breakdown when I come home with a flashy red car. Today I will move into my own apartment. Itwill be small and a little bit dingy, but it will be mine. Today one of my dearest friends will move halfway around the world and I will be terrified that our friendship can not, will not survive; and today I will discover I was wrong as our friendship remains solid. Today I will graduate 11th in my high school class; and today I will graduate college (just barely) one semester after changing my major, saying farewell to the teaching career I never wanted anyway. Today we will celebrate my great-grandmother’s 100th birthday, and today she will pass away. Today I will watch my little (though not in stature) brother get married before me. Today I will remember all of these days. These are just some of my todays, but each and every one of them has helped to make me the person I am on this today. And all of the todays that are yet to come—how will I choose to spend them knowing that each one is the most important day of my life?
Today is the day I get out of bed and go to work so that I can pay the bills. Today is the day I will smile at a stranger passing by and maybe he’ll smile back and maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll even stop to chat. And maybe we’ll never talk again, but maybe we will. Today is the day I will take a chance on people. I will love them in spite of the possibility that I will get hurt, or that I will hurt somebody else. Today I will put pen to paper and write something beautiful. Okay, so maybe only my mom and dad will think it’s beautiful, but it’s a start. I will just sit down and write whatever comes out because I will never write anything beautiful if I continue to write nothing at all. I will write this essay and I will mail it even though I will never be completely happy until it’s perfect—which it never will be. I will write because it’s what I love and I will not stop just because it’s not perfect.
Today is the day I choose to put my all into what I have at this moment rather than holding back, waiting for my “real life” to begin. Today is the day I celebrate and cherish the life I have rather than coveting somebody else’s. And when tomorrow becomes today, today will still be the most important day of my life. After all, there is no good that can come of always looking behind us, wishing things could be the way they used to be, or wondering where we went wrong. Glancing back and remembering the good times and learning from our mistakes is natural, even expected; like checking your rearview mirror while you’re driving. But when we continue to look behind us, we miss what lies ahead— not only the obstacles, but the joys as well. We miss the roadblocks in front of us and we crash. Or worse yet, we are so busy looking back at the love we used to have that we zoom right past the love that’s yet to come, missing out completely. Each today is a choice. We can choose to be in today and make the most of it or we can choose to be in yesterday and tomorrow, completely missing out on today.
Today is the day I move forward. I will not live in the past, nor will I worry about what the future holds, because worrying will take me nowhere. I will live today in a way that reflects who I am and what is important to me. I will stop expecting to fail. I will make a reachable goal for today and today and today. I will do what I can with what I have and nothing more or less. I will value my commitments to myself as much as I value my commitments to others. Today I will spend a little less money and a little more time on myself. I will make dinner for a friend. I will pray for contentment with a life that is nothing like I planned and expect my prayer to be answered. I will stop standing in the place I have been and take one step forward, then another and another. Today I will choose to do all of these things. And tomorrow I will have to choose to do them all over again because it will be another today… And another best day of my life.
The question was: What was the most important day of your life?
“What was the most important day of your life?”
I look at this question and I am completely overwhelmed. After all, how can one possibly choose ONE most important moment of an entire lifetime thus far? Okay, so maybe if I was married, I might call the day I met my husband the most important moment of my life—or if I had a child, the day he or she was born might be the most important moment of my life. But my life to this point has not been quite that predictable or cliché. It has not been the life little girls dream about when they are young. There is no dream man, no dream family with 2.5 children, no dream house and no dream job. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not complaining, I am mostly happy with my life—but it’s not at all what I had thought it would be. Two major stops on my “happily ever after” timeline have already come and gone unfulfilled. In my fictional life that I created for myself, I was married by 25, had my first kid by 28 and had published my first novel by 30.
When I turned 25, I spent the first half of the year trying to get over the fact that I wasn’t married. When I turned 28, the not having a kid wasn’t quite so much of a blow because I still hadn’t (and haven’t) found the man I’m going to marry. One thing I didn’t think about is that these goals are not realistic. Yes, things could have happened this way, but they didn’t, and it’s not because I’ve failed. I would have failed if I settled for something less than I wanted just to make this happen—but it takes a stronger person to hold out for what is right, even if it means watching all of your friends get what you want and still waiting. As far as the third stop on that timeline? There’s still time for that.
Thinking about all of these things made me realize that I knew exactly which day to call the most important day of my life. I discovered that TODAY is the most important day of my life. Today I will learn to never lower my standards in an attempt to find love. Today I will be made whole again. Today I will meet my first love, and today I will let him go. Today I will go to driving school, get my license and buy my first car, and today my mother will nearly have a nervous breakdown when I come home with a flashy red car. Today I will move into my own apartment. Itwill be small and a little bit dingy, but it will be mine. Today one of my dearest friends will move halfway around the world and I will be terrified that our friendship can not, will not survive; and today I will discover I was wrong as our friendship remains solid. Today I will graduate 11th in my high school class; and today I will graduate college (just barely) one semester after changing my major, saying farewell to the teaching career I never wanted anyway. Today we will celebrate my great-grandmother’s 100th birthday, and today she will pass away. Today I will watch my little (though not in stature) brother get married before me. Today I will remember all of these days. These are just some of my todays, but each and every one of them has helped to make me the person I am on this today. And all of the todays that are yet to come—how will I choose to spend them knowing that each one is the most important day of my life?
Today is the day I get out of bed and go to work so that I can pay the bills. Today is the day I will smile at a stranger passing by and maybe he’ll smile back and maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll even stop to chat. And maybe we’ll never talk again, but maybe we will. Today is the day I will take a chance on people. I will love them in spite of the possibility that I will get hurt, or that I will hurt somebody else. Today I will put pen to paper and write something beautiful. Okay, so maybe only my mom and dad will think it’s beautiful, but it’s a start. I will just sit down and write whatever comes out because I will never write anything beautiful if I continue to write nothing at all. I will write this essay and I will mail it even though I will never be completely happy until it’s perfect—which it never will be. I will write because it’s what I love and I will not stop just because it’s not perfect.
Today is the day I choose to put my all into what I have at this moment rather than holding back, waiting for my “real life” to begin. Today is the day I celebrate and cherish the life I have rather than coveting somebody else’s. And when tomorrow becomes today, today will still be the most important day of my life. After all, there is no good that can come of always looking behind us, wishing things could be the way they used to be, or wondering where we went wrong. Glancing back and remembering the good times and learning from our mistakes is natural, even expected; like checking your rearview mirror while you’re driving. But when we continue to look behind us, we miss what lies ahead— not only the obstacles, but the joys as well. We miss the roadblocks in front of us and we crash. Or worse yet, we are so busy looking back at the love we used to have that we zoom right past the love that’s yet to come, missing out completely. Each today is a choice. We can choose to be in today and make the most of it or we can choose to be in yesterday and tomorrow, completely missing out on today.
Today is the day I move forward. I will not live in the past, nor will I worry about what the future holds, because worrying will take me nowhere. I will live today in a way that reflects who I am and what is important to me. I will stop expecting to fail. I will make a reachable goal for today and today and today. I will do what I can with what I have and nothing more or less. I will value my commitments to myself as much as I value my commitments to others. Today I will spend a little less money and a little more time on myself. I will make dinner for a friend. I will pray for contentment with a life that is nothing like I planned and expect my prayer to be answered. I will stop standing in the place I have been and take one step forward, then another and another. Today I will choose to do all of these things. And tomorrow I will have to choose to do them all over again because it will be another today… And another best day of my life.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
A New You in 2009
Okay, so I'm not really counting on a NEW me in 2009. Yes, I will continue to grow and change, but I know I will not INSTANTLY be new. But I was watching TV and that's what the commercial in the background promised, so it seemed like a good title for a blog post.
2008 kind of sucked, but it is done and over with, so there is no use dwelling on that now. The topic of this post is the things I realized about myself this weekend that I can now work on.
As you all know, I love kids-- I really want my own, but alas it is not the time. As you also know, the place that I generally serve is with the kids. I spent several years working in the nursery once or twice a month and then I moved on to watching the younger kids while the older kids were in youth group. Once youth group stopped meeting on Wednesday nights, I never picked up another area of service. I really wanted to work with the kids, but I thought that it was best to stay away because I thought it would put too much focus on what I want more than anything else but cannot have.
But this weekend I realized that since I stopped serving with the kids and no longer had regular time spent with kids and/or serving, I have been MORE depressed. So I stopped to try to keep from being depressed and it actually made me more depressed. And so now, it is BACK to the kids. HOORAY!
In other news, it is a wonderful thing to have friends who share the same struggles as you. It feels great to know that there is somebody knows exactly how you feel and what you mean without having to give a lengthy explanation-- though it would be exponentially better if none of us had to deal with it- but since we do, being able to share the struggles makes life a little bit better.
The Real Simple Magazine essay contest that I entered will be posting the winners this Friday. I haven't heard anything yet, so I am assuming that I am not a winner. However, I will remain hopeful for three more days until the winners are posted. After that, when (oops I mean if) I am not a winner, then I will post my essay on my blog.
Happy 2009 to you all! And now it is time to watch Jeopardy-- It makes me feel smart.
2008 kind of sucked, but it is done and over with, so there is no use dwelling on that now. The topic of this post is the things I realized about myself this weekend that I can now work on.
As you all know, I love kids-- I really want my own, but alas it is not the time. As you also know, the place that I generally serve is with the kids. I spent several years working in the nursery once or twice a month and then I moved on to watching the younger kids while the older kids were in youth group. Once youth group stopped meeting on Wednesday nights, I never picked up another area of service. I really wanted to work with the kids, but I thought that it was best to stay away because I thought it would put too much focus on what I want more than anything else but cannot have.
But this weekend I realized that since I stopped serving with the kids and no longer had regular time spent with kids and/or serving, I have been MORE depressed. So I stopped to try to keep from being depressed and it actually made me more depressed. And so now, it is BACK to the kids. HOORAY!
In other news, it is a wonderful thing to have friends who share the same struggles as you. It feels great to know that there is somebody knows exactly how you feel and what you mean without having to give a lengthy explanation-- though it would be exponentially better if none of us had to deal with it- but since we do, being able to share the struggles makes life a little bit better.
The Real Simple Magazine essay contest that I entered will be posting the winners this Friday. I haven't heard anything yet, so I am assuming that I am not a winner. However, I will remain hopeful for three more days until the winners are posted. After that, when (oops I mean if) I am not a winner, then I will post my essay on my blog.
Happy 2009 to you all! And now it is time to watch Jeopardy-- It makes me feel smart.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Happy New Year and Welcome to 2009!
You know all of the rules about drinking that one should follow in order to avoid feeling crappy the next day? Let's just say that those rules went out the window this New Years' Eve. The last couple of years I spent New Years' with my family for lack of a better plan. This year I attended a "progressive dinner" with a couple of my closest friends and it was quite an adventure. I enjoyed myself immensely despite my resistance to the entire idea. And at the encouragement of my friends, I did indulge in some beverages. To be honest, I broke the cardinal rule of drinking and mixed my alcohols... I had a margarita at the first stop (tequila). Shared a bowl drink with my friends at the second stop (also tequila). No drinks at the third stop. The fourth and final stop is when everything went down hill. I started with a glass of wine, moved on to a mojito (rum), then decided that a PEAR mojito might be better (vodka) and then after midnight enjoyed a couple of mimosas (champagne) and a glass of wine. Let's just say this is a once in a lifetime experience. I feel great at the moment, but I'm sure that won't be the case in the morning... I am currently eating crackers and drinking water to try to minimize the consequences. And I am QUITE looking forward to coffee with Erica tomorrow. Should be a great time. Happy New Year to Ya'll and I shall see you soon! :)
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Out with 2008,
While not everything has been bad in 2008, I'd like to say GOOD RIDDANCE to the year 2008.
Things went funky early on in the year and just went downhill from there. I know it was not just me and many people had a rather unpleasant year. But for me, here are some of the things that made 2008 a year to forget:
~February 24- spending time with my parents on their 30th anniversary when we received a phone call that my cousin --my dad's older brother's daugther-- had committed suicide. We weren't close-- I remember meeting her a few times when I was still in my single digits-- but suicide always messes with me. Having it happen in my family messed with me more.
~On top of my emotional issues (which are gradually improving over time...) this year was also fraught with physical issues. I started having joint problems-- the biggie was the ankle that hurt on the bottom and went numb on the top. That one has not been resolved yet. Others just randomly decided to hurt on random days. Whatever. Then there were some other issues that came along on top of the ankle issues leading to me not getting that resolve. These issues are being examined over time (yippee...) to see if anything changes. Then there was the tummy trouble that started with not just milk products, but other random foods as well-- eating is not enjoyable when nothing seems to agree with you. Then of course there was my clumsiest moment in the history of my existence, leading to my elbow injury-- that was fun. Amazingly enough, the month or so that my elbow felt really bad, everything else felt GREAT. Weird. And then there was the fact that for the two months prior to hurting my elbow as well as about a month and a half after, I was waking up at least twice a night. With all of this going on, my weight has suffered and my doctor is apparently not concerned by any of this. Well that's special. Particularly given that my mom has been diagnosed in the last three years with Type II Diabetes, a thyroid condition and Rheumatoid arthritis. All of which I am at risk for and all of which will hit me harder and sooner if I can't get my weight under control. But apparently this does not matter to my doctor.
~ I really did not want to move until I could afford to buy a place and moving was made even more complicated by the whole stupid elbow thing. I couldn't have done it without such fabulous friends.
~ This year has been the most difficult yet to be alone. The hardest part has been watching all of the new kids arriving to their families. Of course it is a joy-- but it is also painful for me because I worry that I will run out of time. I know that 29 is still young, but I also know that it is going to be VERY difficult for me to have a child if and when that time comes because of the "other issues" mentioned in the above section and so each year that goes by that I'm still alone is another year that I've lost.
~ I have struggled with hope and with trust. I have watched my parents' marriage continue in its destructive path of not communicating and the blame game. At the same time, I have watched my brother struggle as his wife goes out on the town with friends and leaving him at home. All the while, he brought in the only income for most of the year as she was unemployed for six months and he still was left to do much of the housework despite being the only one working and despite being out of town frequently for work. As far as trust goes, I have found that because of many past experiences, I am having a hard time trusting men to do anything they say they will do-- which may keep me from getting a date should anyone be miraculously interested.
But 2008 hasn't been all bad. Here is some of the good:
~ I made several great new friends and reconnected with a couple of old friends.
~ I got a better position at work- working in claims rather than customer service. My co-workers are much more friendly and accepting and much less catty and gossipy. I also feel much more appreciated. Not only do they say it and show it more-- I also received an unexpected promotion which resulted in a 9% pay increase. It's not a different job-- just a higher level of the same job because my boss thinks that I'm doing great.
~Smokey is still the cutest cat ever. And since I got my digital camera, it's easier for me to prove it. :)
~Now that I've moved to the new place, I'm starting to see the pluses-- I have much more space than I used to. It is walking distance to the grocery store, coffee, dollar tree and several food options. Also it is walking distance to the park where there is a beautiful walking trail.
~I've started to learn to believe and accept that the people who say that they love me really do love me-- it is not just an act and it is not pity.
Next Post: In with 2009-- My goals and hopes for the year to come.
Things went funky early on in the year and just went downhill from there. I know it was not just me and many people had a rather unpleasant year. But for me, here are some of the things that made 2008 a year to forget:
~February 24- spending time with my parents on their 30th anniversary when we received a phone call that my cousin --my dad's older brother's daugther-- had committed suicide. We weren't close-- I remember meeting her a few times when I was still in my single digits-- but suicide always messes with me. Having it happen in my family messed with me more.
~On top of my emotional issues (which are gradually improving over time...) this year was also fraught with physical issues. I started having joint problems-- the biggie was the ankle that hurt on the bottom and went numb on the top. That one has not been resolved yet. Others just randomly decided to hurt on random days. Whatever. Then there were some other issues that came along on top of the ankle issues leading to me not getting that resolve. These issues are being examined over time (yippee...) to see if anything changes. Then there was the tummy trouble that started with not just milk products, but other random foods as well-- eating is not enjoyable when nothing seems to agree with you. Then of course there was my clumsiest moment in the history of my existence, leading to my elbow injury-- that was fun. Amazingly enough, the month or so that my elbow felt really bad, everything else felt GREAT. Weird. And then there was the fact that for the two months prior to hurting my elbow as well as about a month and a half after, I was waking up at least twice a night. With all of this going on, my weight has suffered and my doctor is apparently not concerned by any of this. Well that's special. Particularly given that my mom has been diagnosed in the last three years with Type II Diabetes, a thyroid condition and Rheumatoid arthritis. All of which I am at risk for and all of which will hit me harder and sooner if I can't get my weight under control. But apparently this does not matter to my doctor.
~ I really did not want to move until I could afford to buy a place and moving was made even more complicated by the whole stupid elbow thing. I couldn't have done it without such fabulous friends.
~ This year has been the most difficult yet to be alone. The hardest part has been watching all of the new kids arriving to their families. Of course it is a joy-- but it is also painful for me because I worry that I will run out of time. I know that 29 is still young, but I also know that it is going to be VERY difficult for me to have a child if and when that time comes because of the "other issues" mentioned in the above section and so each year that goes by that I'm still alone is another year that I've lost.
~ I have struggled with hope and with trust. I have watched my parents' marriage continue in its destructive path of not communicating and the blame game. At the same time, I have watched my brother struggle as his wife goes out on the town with friends and leaving him at home. All the while, he brought in the only income for most of the year as she was unemployed for six months and he still was left to do much of the housework despite being the only one working and despite being out of town frequently for work. As far as trust goes, I have found that because of many past experiences, I am having a hard time trusting men to do anything they say they will do-- which may keep me from getting a date should anyone be miraculously interested.
But 2008 hasn't been all bad. Here is some of the good:
~ I made several great new friends and reconnected with a couple of old friends.
~ I got a better position at work- working in claims rather than customer service. My co-workers are much more friendly and accepting and much less catty and gossipy. I also feel much more appreciated. Not only do they say it and show it more-- I also received an unexpected promotion which resulted in a 9% pay increase. It's not a different job-- just a higher level of the same job because my boss thinks that I'm doing great.
~Smokey is still the cutest cat ever. And since I got my digital camera, it's easier for me to prove it. :)
~Now that I've moved to the new place, I'm starting to see the pluses-- I have much more space than I used to. It is walking distance to the grocery store, coffee, dollar tree and several food options. Also it is walking distance to the park where there is a beautiful walking trail.
~I've started to learn to believe and accept that the people who say that they love me really do love me-- it is not just an act and it is not pity.
Next Post: In with 2009-- My goals and hopes for the year to come.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
A Post About Nothing.
I am here to post about nothing. I, like some others, have been experiencing a case of the blog BLAHS and have not posted anything for a while. Don't worry-- I haven't posted anything on the emo blog either, so it's not because things are bad. I just don't have much to say.
I generally do not enjoy the holidays as much as I should because it means extra extra time with the family and my mom tends to make drama out of everything that goes wrong this time of year. She has been much more mellow this year-- I'm not sure what to attribute it to, but I am grateful.
I received a fifty dollar gift card for Wal-mart from my boss because of all the overtime I worked a couple weeks ago to help clean up the claims we had. Since I do not shop at Wal-mart, I offered to give it to my parents. My mom would not take it. I offered to sell it to them for forty dollars. My mom said that she wants me to spend it. The good news is, the gift card can ALSO be used at Sam's Club. I know it sounds weird, but I don't boycott Sam's even though I boycott Wal-mart even though they're essentially the same company-- the main reason being that Sam's has a much better track record on employee relations since they have to remain at least somewhat competetive with Costco.
So soon, I will be purchasing some items of bulk goodness. Perhaps some potsticker are in order. And I could definitely use some more individually wrapped chicken breasts (very convenient for a single gal cooking for herself). And some Laughing Cow Cheese. Yes, that sounds good. We'll see what else I get.
I am glad that Christmas is almost here. Because I will be very glad when it is over with. I'm not saying that to be all anti-holiday spirit or Bah-Humbug-y... It's just that all of my gatherings with friends are after Christmas, and I am rather looking forward to spending time with people who love me the way I am-- as cliche as that sounds, it is the truth.
I think that's about all the nothing I can write about right now, so I am going to eat breakfast now-- a cinnamon streusel muffin and perhaps some coffee.
I generally do not enjoy the holidays as much as I should because it means extra extra time with the family and my mom tends to make drama out of everything that goes wrong this time of year. She has been much more mellow this year-- I'm not sure what to attribute it to, but I am grateful.
I received a fifty dollar gift card for Wal-mart from my boss because of all the overtime I worked a couple weeks ago to help clean up the claims we had. Since I do not shop at Wal-mart, I offered to give it to my parents. My mom would not take it. I offered to sell it to them for forty dollars. My mom said that she wants me to spend it. The good news is, the gift card can ALSO be used at Sam's Club. I know it sounds weird, but I don't boycott Sam's even though I boycott Wal-mart even though they're essentially the same company-- the main reason being that Sam's has a much better track record on employee relations since they have to remain at least somewhat competetive with Costco.
So soon, I will be purchasing some items of bulk goodness. Perhaps some potsticker are in order. And I could definitely use some more individually wrapped chicken breasts (very convenient for a single gal cooking for herself). And some Laughing Cow Cheese. Yes, that sounds good. We'll see what else I get.
I am glad that Christmas is almost here. Because I will be very glad when it is over with. I'm not saying that to be all anti-holiday spirit or Bah-Humbug-y... It's just that all of my gatherings with friends are after Christmas, and I am rather looking forward to spending time with people who love me the way I am-- as cliche as that sounds, it is the truth.
I think that's about all the nothing I can write about right now, so I am going to eat breakfast now-- a cinnamon streusel muffin and perhaps some coffee.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Beauty: A Fallacy in My Thinking AND Roommates Part 5 of 6
This probably not news to most of you, and it is most certainly not news to me, but I've never though of myself as a beautiful, or even a slightly pretty person. I've just never had that sort of confidence. I've had days or moments when I felt pretty but as a whole, I've never seen myself this way. But as of late, I have come to realize... Or instead let's say that I have been beat over the head with the fact that this is a lie. That it is a fallacy in my thinking and it needs to stop because God is not pleased with the way I've always seen myself.
Here's where the fallacy comes in: It is sort of like the "if/then statements" that you learn about in high school geometry-- like "All 4 sided shapes are quadrilaterals. IF all 4 sided shapes are quadrilaterals and a square has 4 sides THEN it must be a quadrilateral. But in this case it goes something like this:
Everything God makes is beautiful. IF everything God makes is beautiful and God made me, THEN I must be beautiful, too.
I have believed for quite some time that everything that God makes is beautiful. And I apply that to nature, and to other people and to music and to everything I can think of except for myself. Somehow I've always managed to exclude myself from the everything. And in the past it has been pointed out to me that this is an insult to God. And even though I always knew this in my head, I could never translate that to my heart. But recently my head and my heart have started to find agreement-- I have started to recognize, with the help of many people I love, that I am not the exception. God did not make everything beautiful EXCEPT for me... I am included in EVERYTHING.
*************************************************************************************
Roommates Part 5 of 6 - The Extremist
The Extremist was the most... let's just say interesting... of the Christian roommates I've had. We'll call her Dawn for the sake of the story. That is not, of course, her real name.
Dawn was, as I said before, a friend of a friend who moved into our three bedroom apartment on the day of my graduation ceremony. She did not have a car, but she borrowed her mother's for the move. We later found out that she also did not have a bed. Apparently she sold these things a few months prior because she wanted to live more simply. She told us that she wanted to sleep on the floor so that she could more easily relate to the suffering that was felt by persecuted Christians where they are not free to worship Jesus. We just nodded and smiled and went with it for the time being.
So for about a week after Dawn moved in, she slept on the floor and so on. But then one night I came home from work at about 2:30 am and there she was, sleeping on the futon in the living room. So much for getting a little snack before bed. This continued for about a month until she finally went out and bought a futon of her very own. Well, actually I think her mom bought her bed because she wasn't working at the time, but whatever...
During this same period of time that she was sleeping on the floor/living room futon, she was also doing the Daniel Fast as a full time diet. She would concoct strange soups in my slow cooker and leave them in there for days. All the while she would nibble on whatever food Becca and I had purchased for ourselves. Actually perhaps nibble is not the proper word. One time she ate a half a loaf of wheat bread in one sitting. Another time she ate a box of taco shells-- just the shells. And still another time she consumed a container of DRY OATMEAL. She said that she was doing the Daniel Fast because she had a wheat allergy, but she kept eating our wheat products in mass quantities. At one point she accused me of being a bad Christian sister. She told me that by buying wheat products and keeping them in the house, that I was causing her to stumble. Because apparently she was never supposed to have to develop self control.
Ah, and if only this is where the entertainment ended. But alas, there is still more to be said about Dawn. During that summer, the fifth Harry Potter book came out. Now I know it's not uncommon for Christians to be opposed to Harry Potter, and I'm fine with that. But when the fifth Harry Potter book came out, Becca and I had my niece, who was 11 at the time, come with us to the release party and then spend the night at our place. The next morning Dawn comes out of her bedroom, asks what we did the night before, and the instant that we tell her she goes into a rant about the evils of Harry Potter and how I am corrupting my niece and she can't believe that I would be such a bad influence on her-- all of this in front of my niece. Then when after her grandma came to take her home, the lecture began. She pulled out her Bible and started reading me verses and following me around the apartment ranting about how horrible Harry Potter is. I asked her if she'd ever read any of the books to which she responded with a resounding NO-- at which point I asked her to kindly butt out because she had no idea what she was talking about. I told her that her issues are not always going to be mine and she needed to just deal with it. Eventually she left me alone on the matter.
And now for the final piece of entertainment for this tale-- I guess this roommate is more a series of stories rather than one continuous one-- the trip to the emergency room.
So shortly after Dawn's 30th birthday, we had planned a trip to go to Great America for Joyfest-- I invited her because I didn't want to go alone. At the time, I was working the 4:00pm -12:30am shift and had split days off. In order to accommodate for my trip, I had to switch shifts with a coworker, which put me in the position of having to work a long shift on the Wednesday before we left. So instead of my usual 4:00 start time, I had started at noon that day. By the time I got home, I was exhausted and I went to bed immediately. I barely even took the time to change into my pajamas before falling asleep.
About an hour after I fell asleep, there was a pounding on my bedroom door. And then another. Then a yell-- "Jeni! Jeni! I think I need to go to the hospital. Jeni? Can you hear me?" And then some more pounding. After a couple of minutes I'm able to drag myself out of bed, and there is Dawn outside of my door with a blood soaked towel wrapped around her finger. So I put some shoes on-- I was not about to change out of my pajamas-- and we headed for the hospital. Turns out, Dawn had cut off her finger tip while cutting an apple. As we left the apartment, I couldn't help but notice that all of the lights were out in the apartment. I thought it was strange that she would turn out the lights after cutting herself-- but of course this is not what happened. She cut her fingertip off while cutting an apple IN THE DARK because she was "afraid that she would wake us up" if she turned on the light. Eh, whatever. So while we're on the way to the hospital, she tells me that we will have to throw away the towel. And the sponge in the sink. And we should probably bleach the sink, the knife and the cutting board. Because Dawn had Hepatitis B, which is spread through the blood-- so we needed to make sure that there was no blood lingering anywhere.
So we go to the hospital and I hang out in the waiting room while Dawn gets her finger taken care of. And by the time I get home, I am COMPLETELY wiped out-- but not so wiped out that I forget to babysit her while she tosses the towel, sponge and APPLE and takes them to the dumpster then bleaches the sink, knife and cutting board.
Fortunately, a month later our lease was up and Becca and I decided that the apartment in Lemmon Valley was no longer the place for us. And since Dawn's parents lived in Stead, she decided to go back to their house. And on Thanksgiving Day (yes, again!) Becca and I moved to an apartment in Sparks where my brother joined us. Turns out my brother was the BEST roommate I ever had. Who would have thought?
Here's where the fallacy comes in: It is sort of like the "if/then statements" that you learn about in high school geometry-- like "All 4 sided shapes are quadrilaterals. IF all 4 sided shapes are quadrilaterals and a square has 4 sides THEN it must be a quadrilateral. But in this case it goes something like this:
Everything God makes is beautiful. IF everything God makes is beautiful and God made me, THEN I must be beautiful, too.
I have believed for quite some time that everything that God makes is beautiful. And I apply that to nature, and to other people and to music and to everything I can think of except for myself. Somehow I've always managed to exclude myself from the everything. And in the past it has been pointed out to me that this is an insult to God. And even though I always knew this in my head, I could never translate that to my heart. But recently my head and my heart have started to find agreement-- I have started to recognize, with the help of many people I love, that I am not the exception. God did not make everything beautiful EXCEPT for me... I am included in EVERYTHING.
*************************************************************************************
Roommates Part 5 of 6 - The Extremist
The Extremist was the most... let's just say interesting... of the Christian roommates I've had. We'll call her Dawn for the sake of the story. That is not, of course, her real name.
Dawn was, as I said before, a friend of a friend who moved into our three bedroom apartment on the day of my graduation ceremony. She did not have a car, but she borrowed her mother's for the move. We later found out that she also did not have a bed. Apparently she sold these things a few months prior because she wanted to live more simply. She told us that she wanted to sleep on the floor so that she could more easily relate to the suffering that was felt by persecuted Christians where they are not free to worship Jesus. We just nodded and smiled and went with it for the time being.
So for about a week after Dawn moved in, she slept on the floor and so on. But then one night I came home from work at about 2:30 am and there she was, sleeping on the futon in the living room. So much for getting a little snack before bed. This continued for about a month until she finally went out and bought a futon of her very own. Well, actually I think her mom bought her bed because she wasn't working at the time, but whatever...
During this same period of time that she was sleeping on the floor/living room futon, she was also doing the Daniel Fast as a full time diet. She would concoct strange soups in my slow cooker and leave them in there for days. All the while she would nibble on whatever food Becca and I had purchased for ourselves. Actually perhaps nibble is not the proper word. One time she ate a half a loaf of wheat bread in one sitting. Another time she ate a box of taco shells-- just the shells. And still another time she consumed a container of DRY OATMEAL. She said that she was doing the Daniel Fast because she had a wheat allergy, but she kept eating our wheat products in mass quantities. At one point she accused me of being a bad Christian sister. She told me that by buying wheat products and keeping them in the house, that I was causing her to stumble. Because apparently she was never supposed to have to develop self control.
Ah, and if only this is where the entertainment ended. But alas, there is still more to be said about Dawn. During that summer, the fifth Harry Potter book came out. Now I know it's not uncommon for Christians to be opposed to Harry Potter, and I'm fine with that. But when the fifth Harry Potter book came out, Becca and I had my niece, who was 11 at the time, come with us to the release party and then spend the night at our place. The next morning Dawn comes out of her bedroom, asks what we did the night before, and the instant that we tell her she goes into a rant about the evils of Harry Potter and how I am corrupting my niece and she can't believe that I would be such a bad influence on her-- all of this in front of my niece. Then when after her grandma came to take her home, the lecture began. She pulled out her Bible and started reading me verses and following me around the apartment ranting about how horrible Harry Potter is. I asked her if she'd ever read any of the books to which she responded with a resounding NO-- at which point I asked her to kindly butt out because she had no idea what she was talking about. I told her that her issues are not always going to be mine and she needed to just deal with it. Eventually she left me alone on the matter.
And now for the final piece of entertainment for this tale-- I guess this roommate is more a series of stories rather than one continuous one-- the trip to the emergency room.
So shortly after Dawn's 30th birthday, we had planned a trip to go to Great America for Joyfest-- I invited her because I didn't want to go alone. At the time, I was working the 4:00pm -12:30am shift and had split days off. In order to accommodate for my trip, I had to switch shifts with a coworker, which put me in the position of having to work a long shift on the Wednesday before we left. So instead of my usual 4:00 start time, I had started at noon that day. By the time I got home, I was exhausted and I went to bed immediately. I barely even took the time to change into my pajamas before falling asleep.
About an hour after I fell asleep, there was a pounding on my bedroom door. And then another. Then a yell-- "Jeni! Jeni! I think I need to go to the hospital. Jeni? Can you hear me?" And then some more pounding. After a couple of minutes I'm able to drag myself out of bed, and there is Dawn outside of my door with a blood soaked towel wrapped around her finger. So I put some shoes on-- I was not about to change out of my pajamas-- and we headed for the hospital. Turns out, Dawn had cut off her finger tip while cutting an apple. As we left the apartment, I couldn't help but notice that all of the lights were out in the apartment. I thought it was strange that she would turn out the lights after cutting herself-- but of course this is not what happened. She cut her fingertip off while cutting an apple IN THE DARK because she was "afraid that she would wake us up" if she turned on the light. Eh, whatever. So while we're on the way to the hospital, she tells me that we will have to throw away the towel. And the sponge in the sink. And we should probably bleach the sink, the knife and the cutting board. Because Dawn had Hepatitis B, which is spread through the blood-- so we needed to make sure that there was no blood lingering anywhere.
So we go to the hospital and I hang out in the waiting room while Dawn gets her finger taken care of. And by the time I get home, I am COMPLETELY wiped out-- but not so wiped out that I forget to babysit her while she tosses the towel, sponge and APPLE and takes them to the dumpster then bleaches the sink, knife and cutting board.
Fortunately, a month later our lease was up and Becca and I decided that the apartment in Lemmon Valley was no longer the place for us. And since Dawn's parents lived in Stead, she decided to go back to their house. And on Thanksgiving Day (yes, again!) Becca and I moved to an apartment in Sparks where my brother joined us. Turns out my brother was the BEST roommate I ever had. Who would have thought?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
And I'm Back With Roommates Part 4
To anybody who is still reading, sorry for the delay. I'm back here with more stories of roommate rendezvous--or whatever you want to call them. There will also be new poetry posted on my emo blog--it's not exactly emo, but it's more emo than the roommates story, so that's where it's going for now. So without further ado:
Roommates (Part 4 of 6) The Time in Between:
After my ex-best friend's sister moved out in November of 2002, my remaining roommate (now known as my SIL, also known as Becca) and I signed another year lease in the same apartment and decided to try to find a perfect third roommate. The problem with this was that neither of us could actually REALLY afford not to have a third roommate.
It seemed as though things were going to work out well when a friend of my SIL's that she knew from work got kicked out of his parents' house. It seemed like the perfect situation-- we needed a third roommate, he needed an inexpensive place to live-- perfect, right?
He moved into our apartment on Thanksgiving Day when Becca and I were hosting a murder mystery dinner for our parents for Thanksgiving. So the roommate number 3 and his friend show up, make a couple of trips to get his things, and when they finally come back for the murder mystery dinner, they are carrying beer--I'm not sure how they got it, since they were both 18. This put me in quite the awkward position being that I was the only one living at the apartment who was legal drinking age. I told roommate number 3's friend that he could not bring the beer into my apartment where I was the only resident of legal drinking age. He got all huffy with me, and went out to his car where I'm sure he downed at least one of the beers. He came back in for dinner and was basically snarky with me the entire night about how uncool I was for not letting him drink. Whatever.
After that night, things were not bad with roommate number 3. He mostly kept to himself and spent all of his time on the internet. This was a bit of a problem since we had dial-up back then and Becca and I were both in college. We occasionally had to ask him to stop the games so that we could get online for school related things. There was also the debates. Some nights, Becca and I would have these conversations where we just sat up debating things-- politics (which she is very good at, now having her degree in Political Science); religion (which I was very good at due to passion and persistance); hot button types of issues (abortion, gay marriages, etc.). We sometimes got a bit loud during our debates and would eventually end up crying and laughing and baring our souls about things that have made us who we are. And roommate #3 was freaked out by this. He just thought that we were always fighting.
Needless to say, roommate number 3 did not last long. Shortly after Christmas, partway into January, he decided to move in with his beer drinking friend in an apartment closer to town. Lemmon Valley is not a good place for the beer drinkers to live should they have to make a quick escape for more beer.
After roommate #4 moved out in January, we began the search for a new roommate. We put up fliers at UNR since it was just before the beginning of the spring semester--right when lots of people are looking for a new place to live. We got a few phone calls, but most people didn't want to live in Lemmon Valley. We weren't terrible worried for the rest of January because roommate #3 had paid a partial month's rent before he left, so we were okay for money.
We posted our open room on one of the roommate finder sites online, but really had very little luck there. It was a stressful time. I had changed my major from education to English writing in November and that left me needing 5 writing classes and a social science to graduate. So in the spring of 2003, I was enrolled in 4 writing classes, working full time at the Evil K and I had no idea where my future would take me-- I just knew it wouldn't be teaching. That decision was a long time in coming and came after I received a swift kick in the butt from God after two years of nudging had failed. But that's a story best left for another post.
In March we finally got a response from someone on the roommates site. He was a recent college graduate who was going to be doing some science thing with little kids for Americorp. He was moving from Indiana and wanted to have a place lined up before he made his move. So he came to visit the apartment in early March, and we didn't hear from him again. Finally, two weeks later he sent us a message saying that he wanted to be closer to the campus, but that he had really enjoyed meeting us. So we continued into April in the same frenzy we'd been in for most of February and all of March. I was particularly frenzied with graduation looming near. That semester I had 150 pages of final portfolio work due at the end of the semester and every paper I'd written for the entire semester had to be reviewed and revised one more time. And things were exceedingly tight with just two of us paying rent-- but emotionally it was a very easy time. During that time Becca was quite a good roommate even if it was a little weird having my brother stay the night every Friday.
Finally, at the beginning of May a friend of mine let me know that she had a friend who was looking for a roommate. We eagerly took her information and made contact. She came to look at the apartment and decided to move in ASAP. So she gradually moved her things in and while I was receiving my unofficial diploma at UNR's graduation ceremony (I wasn't officially done until August), she was moving the last of her things into our apartment.
Stay tuned next week for Part 5 where you will learn all of the terrors of the new Roommate #3.
Roommates (Part 4 of 6) The Time in Between:
After my ex-best friend's sister moved out in November of 2002, my remaining roommate (now known as my SIL, also known as Becca) and I signed another year lease in the same apartment and decided to try to find a perfect third roommate. The problem with this was that neither of us could actually REALLY afford not to have a third roommate.
It seemed as though things were going to work out well when a friend of my SIL's that she knew from work got kicked out of his parents' house. It seemed like the perfect situation-- we needed a third roommate, he needed an inexpensive place to live-- perfect, right?
He moved into our apartment on Thanksgiving Day when Becca and I were hosting a murder mystery dinner for our parents for Thanksgiving. So the roommate number 3 and his friend show up, make a couple of trips to get his things, and when they finally come back for the murder mystery dinner, they are carrying beer--I'm not sure how they got it, since they were both 18. This put me in quite the awkward position being that I was the only one living at the apartment who was legal drinking age. I told roommate number 3's friend that he could not bring the beer into my apartment where I was the only resident of legal drinking age. He got all huffy with me, and went out to his car where I'm sure he downed at least one of the beers. He came back in for dinner and was basically snarky with me the entire night about how uncool I was for not letting him drink. Whatever.
After that night, things were not bad with roommate number 3. He mostly kept to himself and spent all of his time on the internet. This was a bit of a problem since we had dial-up back then and Becca and I were both in college. We occasionally had to ask him to stop the games so that we could get online for school related things. There was also the debates. Some nights, Becca and I would have these conversations where we just sat up debating things-- politics (which she is very good at, now having her degree in Political Science); religion (which I was very good at due to passion and persistance); hot button types of issues (abortion, gay marriages, etc.). We sometimes got a bit loud during our debates and would eventually end up crying and laughing and baring our souls about things that have made us who we are. And roommate #3 was freaked out by this. He just thought that we were always fighting.
Needless to say, roommate number 3 did not last long. Shortly after Christmas, partway into January, he decided to move in with his beer drinking friend in an apartment closer to town. Lemmon Valley is not a good place for the beer drinkers to live should they have to make a quick escape for more beer.
After roommate #4 moved out in January, we began the search for a new roommate. We put up fliers at UNR since it was just before the beginning of the spring semester--right when lots of people are looking for a new place to live. We got a few phone calls, but most people didn't want to live in Lemmon Valley. We weren't terrible worried for the rest of January because roommate #3 had paid a partial month's rent before he left, so we were okay for money.
We posted our open room on one of the roommate finder sites online, but really had very little luck there. It was a stressful time. I had changed my major from education to English writing in November and that left me needing 5 writing classes and a social science to graduate. So in the spring of 2003, I was enrolled in 4 writing classes, working full time at the Evil K and I had no idea where my future would take me-- I just knew it wouldn't be teaching. That decision was a long time in coming and came after I received a swift kick in the butt from God after two years of nudging had failed. But that's a story best left for another post.
In March we finally got a response from someone on the roommates site. He was a recent college graduate who was going to be doing some science thing with little kids for Americorp. He was moving from Indiana and wanted to have a place lined up before he made his move. So he came to visit the apartment in early March, and we didn't hear from him again. Finally, two weeks later he sent us a message saying that he wanted to be closer to the campus, but that he had really enjoyed meeting us. So we continued into April in the same frenzy we'd been in for most of February and all of March. I was particularly frenzied with graduation looming near. That semester I had 150 pages of final portfolio work due at the end of the semester and every paper I'd written for the entire semester had to be reviewed and revised one more time. And things were exceedingly tight with just two of us paying rent-- but emotionally it was a very easy time. During that time Becca was quite a good roommate even if it was a little weird having my brother stay the night every Friday.
Finally, at the beginning of May a friend of mine let me know that she had a friend who was looking for a roommate. We eagerly took her information and made contact. She came to look at the apartment and decided to move in ASAP. So she gradually moved her things in and while I was receiving my unofficial diploma at UNR's graduation ceremony (I wasn't officially done until August), she was moving the last of her things into our apartment.
Stay tuned next week for Part 5 where you will learn all of the terrors of the new Roommate #3.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
A New Blog
So, since I generally stop blogging when I'm feeling emo, and I've been encouraged not to do so, I have created another blog that will be all about those emo days. The link is in my menu on the left and it will include all my emo rants, poems, songs, etc. If you are into emo, then you can pop over there every once in a while to get your dose-- and if you're not then you can just pretend like my emo blog doesn't exist and just hang out at this one. The current feature on my emo blog is a lament-ish sort of poem. If you visit, then I hope you enjoy!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Random Thoughts-- And Roommates Pt 3 of 6
Random Thoughts:
*Right now, my seven favorite people in the world are the people who came to help me move yesterday. I am all moved and my old apartment is already completely cleaned and ready to go. I suppose that the one person who offered to come but was unable due to circumstances beyond his control can be included, therefore making it my EIGHT favorite people in the world.
*My dad and my brother are the most dependable men that I know. I owe them a fabulous Mexican dinner and some beer.
*I can see cows from my kitchen window.
*Bowling left-handed is challenging. It's helping me learn to laugh at myself a lot more. (I know that I already laugh at myself a lot-- but usually only with friends, not strangers.)
*Earlier, I was watching TV and there was a commercial on about one of those expensive programs that is supposed to prevent identity theft. It's good to know that our most important identity, the one of "Child of God," cannot be stolen from us.
____________________________________________________________________
Roommates Part 3 - My ex-best friend's sister and my brother's girlfriend
After the special experience I was treated to my second year in the dorms, I decided it was time to move on to greener pastures. Then I realized that I am in Nevada, and therefore the pastures are BROWN. While the dorms were not the most pleasant living experience, they were still a vast improvement over living with my parents. So during the seconds semester of my las year in the dorms, I started looking for roommates to share an apartment with. Conveniently, my brother's girlfriend (also known as my current sister-in-law) decided that she wanted to move into an apartment around the same time. To keep it affordable, we decided that we should find a third roommate and get a three bedroom apartment. The third roommate wound up being my ex-best friend's sister who was the same as as my brother and his girlfriend, and who'd had a crazy crush on my brother since they were about 12, though she would never admit it.
To make it clear, the ex-best friend wasn't an ex-best friend because of anything bad that happened. She just moved away for college and we drifted a part. She was actually quite a good friend for most of high school. She was the friend I went to church with occasionally. The trouble was, both her and her sister, who would become my roommate, were raised in a rather legalistic Christian home and were not really allowed any sort of freedoms. So when my friend went off to college, she rebelled and became a bit of a wild child for a few year. These were the same few years when I was beginning to find myself and my identity as a Christian-- We drifted apart because we were headed in different directions.
I have to admit that when I found out that her sister was looking to move out of their parents' house, I was excited for several reasons-- The first was that I had hoped that it would bring me closer to my friend again. The second was that I had hoped that she wouldn't feel the need to rebel against her parents if she had moved out of the house and was living with someone she felt comfortable to be herself around; afterall, she had known me for about eleven years by this point. And the third was that I thought that maybe if her and I went to church together, we could get my brother's girlfriend to go with us, too.
As I'm sure you can guess, I was overly optomistic. By the time we all moved into the apartment in May of 2002, she had already rebelled, though I didn't know it yet. It turned out that she was dating a guy several years older than her and after a few weeks, we basically acquired a fourth roommate. Her boyfriend started spending the night most nights. She never warned us when he was going to be there, she never asked if it was okay and she let him eat all of our food. At first, my now SIL and I tried to include her when we made plans for dinner or nights in, or whatever, but she always turned us down. Then her boyfriend would show up and they would lock themselves in her room. There were several problems with this plan:
1) He was practically living with us, but was not paying rent.
2) He would oversleep, then try to rush to take a shower in our home, where he was not paying rent, or utilities, and would wind up making my SIL late, even though she had woken up in what should have been plenty of time to get ready.
3) She asked me to lie to her parents if I happened to see them at church. That if they asked I should tell them that she was not sleeping with her boyfriend and that he didn't stay the night. I made it clear that I would not lie for her, but fortunately her parents never asked me anything.
4) There were three shows that my SIL and I watched together every week at the same time every week. And every time the other roommate's boyfriend would be playing video games and would get pissy with us when we asked him to let us watch the show, and then even more pissy when we suggested that if he paid rent then he would have the right to decide what the living room TV was to be used for.
Who would have ever thought that it would be more awkward to have her boyfriend stay the night than to have my brother stay once a week?
Fortunately, we had only signed a 6 month lease, and when that 6 months was up, the third roommate decided to leave (sigh of relief) stating that she just didn't feel welcome because we didn't include her in anything and because we didn't like her boyfriend (aka the leach). Good riddance!
*Right now, my seven favorite people in the world are the people who came to help me move yesterday. I am all moved and my old apartment is already completely cleaned and ready to go. I suppose that the one person who offered to come but was unable due to circumstances beyond his control can be included, therefore making it my EIGHT favorite people in the world.
*My dad and my brother are the most dependable men that I know. I owe them a fabulous Mexican dinner and some beer.
*I can see cows from my kitchen window.
*Bowling left-handed is challenging. It's helping me learn to laugh at myself a lot more. (I know that I already laugh at myself a lot-- but usually only with friends, not strangers.)
*Earlier, I was watching TV and there was a commercial on about one of those expensive programs that is supposed to prevent identity theft. It's good to know that our most important identity, the one of "Child of God," cannot be stolen from us.
____________________________________________________________________
Roommates Part 3 - My ex-best friend's sister and my brother's girlfriend
After the special experience I was treated to my second year in the dorms, I decided it was time to move on to greener pastures. Then I realized that I am in Nevada, and therefore the pastures are BROWN. While the dorms were not the most pleasant living experience, they were still a vast improvement over living with my parents. So during the seconds semester of my las year in the dorms, I started looking for roommates to share an apartment with. Conveniently, my brother's girlfriend (also known as my current sister-in-law) decided that she wanted to move into an apartment around the same time. To keep it affordable, we decided that we should find a third roommate and get a three bedroom apartment. The third roommate wound up being my ex-best friend's sister who was the same as as my brother and his girlfriend, and who'd had a crazy crush on my brother since they were about 12, though she would never admit it.
To make it clear, the ex-best friend wasn't an ex-best friend because of anything bad that happened. She just moved away for college and we drifted a part. She was actually quite a good friend for most of high school. She was the friend I went to church with occasionally. The trouble was, both her and her sister, who would become my roommate, were raised in a rather legalistic Christian home and were not really allowed any sort of freedoms. So when my friend went off to college, she rebelled and became a bit of a wild child for a few year. These were the same few years when I was beginning to find myself and my identity as a Christian-- We drifted apart because we were headed in different directions.
I have to admit that when I found out that her sister was looking to move out of their parents' house, I was excited for several reasons-- The first was that I had hoped that it would bring me closer to my friend again. The second was that I had hoped that she wouldn't feel the need to rebel against her parents if she had moved out of the house and was living with someone she felt comfortable to be herself around; afterall, she had known me for about eleven years by this point. And the third was that I thought that maybe if her and I went to church together, we could get my brother's girlfriend to go with us, too.
As I'm sure you can guess, I was overly optomistic. By the time we all moved into the apartment in May of 2002, she had already rebelled, though I didn't know it yet. It turned out that she was dating a guy several years older than her and after a few weeks, we basically acquired a fourth roommate. Her boyfriend started spending the night most nights. She never warned us when he was going to be there, she never asked if it was okay and she let him eat all of our food. At first, my now SIL and I tried to include her when we made plans for dinner or nights in, or whatever, but she always turned us down. Then her boyfriend would show up and they would lock themselves in her room. There were several problems with this plan:
1) He was practically living with us, but was not paying rent.
2) He would oversleep, then try to rush to take a shower in our home, where he was not paying rent, or utilities, and would wind up making my SIL late, even though she had woken up in what should have been plenty of time to get ready.
3) She asked me to lie to her parents if I happened to see them at church. That if they asked I should tell them that she was not sleeping with her boyfriend and that he didn't stay the night. I made it clear that I would not lie for her, but fortunately her parents never asked me anything.
4) There were three shows that my SIL and I watched together every week at the same time every week. And every time the other roommate's boyfriend would be playing video games and would get pissy with us when we asked him to let us watch the show, and then even more pissy when we suggested that if he paid rent then he would have the right to decide what the living room TV was to be used for.
Who would have ever thought that it would be more awkward to have her boyfriend stay the night than to have my brother stay once a week?
Fortunately, we had only signed a 6 month lease, and when that 6 months was up, the third roommate decided to leave (sigh of relief) stating that she just didn't feel welcome because we didn't include her in anything and because we didn't like her boyfriend (aka the leach). Good riddance!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)