My own personal mission

This morning at church, I received a great amount of reassuring, a great encouragement. I am the kind of person who frequently thinks that what I am doing is not good enough. Even if it is the thing I was called to do. People talk about the missions they are going on, the places they're going, the people they're reaching, and I frequently think that I am less because I am not going places to try to reach people. When people talk about the places they are going, I forget that I was called to stay. I really wanted to go, and I got a clear response that I should stay indefinitely. Here's how that happened:
In 2003, I went to Intervarsity's mission conference at Urbana, because even though I was no longer associated with Intervarsity having graduated the previous spring, I was at a prime point in my life. A mission trip would have been ideal to make me feel like I was doing something after I graduated. I was hoping to find an internship, a mission, a project, anything that would prove that I was useful to God's kingdom. I went looking for some way to serve people--I really did want to serve people, but I really also wanted to FEEL like I was doing something, to see the fruit of what I was doing. Throughout the conference, I really didn't find anything that matched my passions, and I had a lingering sense that God wanted me to stay in Reno. Then I talked myself into believing that God wouldn't want that, and that it was just my fear holding me back. I kept telling myself that if I didn't go someplace and serve people in another place, then I couldn't possibly be a good Christian. Then, on the second to last night of the conference, there was a drama performance that made it all clear to me. The basis of the performance was the man in Mark who was possessed by "the legion." When Jesus cast the demons out, the man begged Jesus to let him come with him. Jesus told him no-- He told the man to stay: "Stay, and tell your friends and family what I've done for you." I felt chills. I fell to my knees. And I knew that my personal mission is to stay, and tell my friends and family what He's done for me.
It was good to be reminded that "Go" means just "in everything we do" as opposed to a LITERAL "go." It would be easy for me tell people I don't know about the ways I've changed... It's much harder to stay and show the change to the people who have known me since before Jesus was in my life. My mission may not be the one that I choose, but it is the one I'm called to none the less, and I should be doing it to the best of my ability, even on days when it seems that it is not nearly exciting enough. My opportunities to share with my mother have grown EXPONENTIALLY over the last few years. I still have yet to convince her to return to church, either with me, or to her old church, but there are some days when it seems she might be right on the edge, particularly now, after she just lost her grandmother, who raised her, and last year she lost her mother, whom she'd hardly known at all. She is starting to grow (slowly) more open-minded, more forgiving. I know that there will be a time, perhaps soon, perhaps not as soon as I'd like, when it will be time to go, but for now, I will continue to stay.