Over the last week, I have had it brought to my attention by THREE people that I do not take care of myself, nor do I allow myself to be taken care of by others. I already mentioned in a previous post my propensity to keep things to myself, to hide the things that I don't want other people to see. I try to sweep my humanity under the rug. I don't want people to see that I am just as human as they are, and that I have needs and desires just like everyone else. Everywhere else that is not this blog, I keep these things to myself. I aim to convince everyone (including myself) that everything is alright here, and therefore I do not allow anyone to take care of me, nor do I take care of myself. It's almost like I think that if I keep denying that I need help, I will not need help. By ignoring the situations in my life altogether, perhaps they will go away. But they are not going to go away or fix themselves. I can pray all I want for answers, but if I don't follow the guidance when it comes, nothing will change. I know that I can't do everything alone, but I alone can start the movement. I need to take responsibility for asking for help when I need it and for taking the first step in the right direction. Right now it's more like I'm standing in one place, looking at where I need to go and expecting God to beam me there, like I'm a character in Star Trek or something.
"Beam me up, Snotty!"
8 comments:
so, what do you need, jeni? i finally had to ask for continuing help in the area of inner/emotional healing. this was not easy, because i didn't want to ask for help (embarrassing), when i did ask- i wanted to be "fixed" on the first session, & most of all- i didn't want to face all the stuff i needed to deal w/. so, where do you need help? you don't have to answer of course, but think about it.
It's not really anything in particular, it's more about my stubborn nature to try to take care of everything by myself. What brought it up is that when I need help with my projects at work, I don't ask, I just stay until they're done.
Not to make light of your post, but "beam me up Snotty" was pretty funny. Was that from the movie Spaceballs? At work I like to say, "Beam me up, Mr. Spock, no intelligent life here."
Hang in there Jeni! You are not alone!
Of course it's from the movie Spaceballs. And please, make light of my post! By all means! (Why else would I end with "Beam me up, Snotty!") Spaceballs is my favorite movie of ALL TIME! I'm just a nerd like that...
i guess what i'm getting @ is this- there are reasons why you're stubborn in areas. it's worth looking into why you do what you do. why are people stubborn? do we have give in to being stubborn or are there possible areas of healing that can move us through it?
I know I need to stop being stubborn... It is not the best thing for me. I can't say that I know for sure WHY I am stubborn... That is a good question. I think for me, part of my stubbornness comes from being single. Since I don't have that SET person (aside from God) that I can go to for everything, I just feel like I have to do it by myself. When all is well and happy, I KNOW that I have people all around me that I can ask for help, but in the heat of the moment, when I'm crying or stressed or whatever, it doesn't really occur to me to ask said people. So really, as plucky said, it's a case of "No intelligent life here." :)
i see the word "stubborn" as a symptom/result/tip of the iceberg of things "inside"/below the surface. it's worth asking Jesus to show us what's @ the root of what we do. He'll show us. for me, i din't ask for help or let people help, because i didn't feel worth it. does that make sense? i didn't feel like imposing or obligating someone to help me. what did i learn? i "block" blessing for me & blessings to the person that could help. just something to think about. :>)
Yeah, I hate when people are right. No, I'm just kidding. I think that's partially true--I don't feel worth it. But I REALLY don't feel worth it when people have their own families to take care of without worrying about helping me. Thanks for talkin' with me, jaybird! Always appreciated.
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