Some thoughts on waiting your turn...

There's a book I've been reading called When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas. I have mentioned it here before. It's the sort of book that, rather than reading a chapter a day, I have been saving, not wanting to be finished. Instead, I have been reading a chapter here and there when I feel like I need a pick me up, or a nudge in the right direction. The chapter I read this week is called "Until It's Your Turn." I'd like to share some of the insight provided by this chapter:

p. 106 "The mature woman knows how to wait on God. She has learned through tears, disappointments, and even rejection that sometimes it's just not your turn. That doesn't mean it won't ever be. Or that you're not qualified. Or that you've gone completely the wrong way. It's just not yet."

p. 107 "To do everything we can, stay the course, and wait to be next requires a grown-up Jesus woman who has put away whining and manipulation. She has decided not to stomp her feet, huff and puff, groan and complain. She is waiting with integrity. Not cutting in line with her friend who's farther ahead. Not cheating for advantage. Not bargaining or bribing. Just waiting until she is called."

p. 108 "Waiting is not whining or fretting or looking over to compare whose turn came before ours. Waiting is an opportunity to grow up. To wait upon the Lord means choosing a higher road that most are not willing to take. Sometimes the wallflower has to wait to dance."

p. 109 "A long time ago I heard the adage You haven't begun to wait until you think you've waited long enough." "But maybe it's not about the length of time you have been waiting; maybe what matters is how." (Do you see where I'm going with all of this yet?)

p. 117 "While you wait, are you actively becoming the woman God can use? Are you faithful to prepare?"


So, after all of that, what was my point? In case you are reading this and wondering, "what exactly is Jeni rambling about now?" I am about to explain.

This whole chapter got me thinking about how I wait for things. I do not wait patiently--even in a grocery store line or a traffic jam, when I have to wait I grow surly and irritable. It affects everything in my life--The way I pray (without faith), the way I eat(too much), the way I sleep (not well), the way I clean (I don't), and the way I write (I also don't). The moral of the story is, I don't like to wait. I suppose part of the reasoning for this is because when I am waiting for something, I am incapable of focusing on anything else. My whole life is focused on the one thing I am waiting for and everything else is just an interruption or a distraction. It keeps me from doing any of the other things that God has for me.

Right now I am waiting for my turn at romance. This has been an on and off thing for several years. My eyes are so set on this ONE thing that I want that I cannot focus on my other dreams/Godly desires. Who cares about writing? Who cares if learning this computer program will help me if I get the chance for a different job? Who cares if I want it to be Christmas every day? I don't have time to worry about that. I need to get somebody to fall in love with me. While I'm waiting for the love of my life to come along, which could be months, but could also be YEARS, I could be writing (something other than blog posts) or developing a plan for Christmas Everyday, or investing in learning a new computer program, or even making my room into a suitable place to spend time writing. I could be doing any of these things to work toward what God has for me, but I'm not. I'm laying around reading, moping, and sometimes crying and screaming, my mind focused on how much it sucks that I'm still alone. It is time for this pattern to end. Today, I will take some time to write, and I will dance victoriously at the end of the day.