Would it change a thing?

I had my interview and computer test on Wednesday. The computer test, I believe, went pretty well. But the interview, I really can't be sure. I was nervous and I'm pretty sure it showed... I struggle so much with confidence--I'm always sure that people won't like me. I hate this about myself, and I'm pretty sure that other people can tell. I have been better about this recently--I have been reaching out to people, being myself, being sure that they will like me. But now that I find myself desperate, I have no confidence at all. Right now I feel certain that they will choose someone else--after all, how can they believe that I'm the right person for the job, if I don't believe it myself. But I don't know what to do if I don't get this job. I can't continue working for a company with no soul. Things just keep going further downhill there--I just found out that they are laying off all of the account managers, which will just leave more for the rest of us, who are already working longer than we should.
But would it even make a difference if I found something new, or would it just be a new place to be miserable? I might have time to spend with the people I care about, but would I be any happier? Or would I still be fighting this battle with my emotions that just seems to never end? The last six years have been a roller coaster--my entire walk has been an up and down ride. Sometimes I have hope, and sometimes I don't. I know that I'm better off than I was, but I still sometimes think I'm not so great. This is a horrible thing, but sometimes I wish that something bad would happen in my life, just so that this ordinary, never-changing life would seem good--so that I could appreciate what I have rather than mourning what I don't. I know that's terrible, but I don't know what to do about it.
My brother is getting married in four days and I should be happy for him, but all I can think is why is he the one who gets everything. He is the smart one; he's the attractive one; he's the talented one; he's the athletic one--and what does that leave me with. I know that it's all lies and that I shouldn't believe it. I know that I need to pray, to find comfort in God, to think positive and uplifting thoughts. I just don't understand why I keep falling back to this place.
I know this is a lot of personal, emotional and hardcore stuff to be posting on my blog--but I feel like this is my only connection to anyone who might understand. My family doesn't get it. My closest friends blow it off. This is my place to vent and be understood, so if you've read this far, thanks. Please pray for guidance, for direction, for peace and for discernment. I don't know what to do right now aside from that.