Response to a comment

I will go ahead and say it, this post is kind of in response to a comment diga made on my post about feeling pretty. I'm not even sure that I should post this because I don't want it to be misinterpreted, but I'll go ahead and see what happens and if people take it the wrong way, I'll take it down.

For anyone who didn't catch it, my HEAD (the part of me that reads and interprets blog comments) is fully aware that spouse, kids etc will not make me a happier person. My HEAD having this knowledge, does not make my heart stop longing for those things. I do desire to find that person who loves me enough to commit to a relationship with me. I do desire to have children someday. And I am aware that I don't NEED those things to be happy, hence the reason for reading the book again. The problem is that I find myself longing for and lacking something that I DO need, that we all need, and somehow I figure that if I were married I would have that one thing.

We always put an emphasis on how important community and personal relationships are to our faith and our spiritual growth. The way I see it, while I am aware that marriage will not make me a happier person in general, it could give me the opportunity to grow and develop as a person rather than remaining stagnant as I have been. All of the married people out there say that it's not greener on the other side, but most of the married people I know at least have ONE person that they can sit with and pray with when they need it in their spouse. They have that one person they can depend on to listen to them when they have something on their minds. That's not to say that a single person CAN'T have that, but right now I don't. So perhaps all of the desire to meet someone isn't so much about getting married and have kids. Perhaps it's more about knowing that if and when something bad happens that I will have someone to call at two o'clock in the morning to talk and to pray with. My closest friend for the last five years and the first person I thought to call whenever I needed something is not here right now, she is across the world, and I have not been doing a very good job of keeping her up to date with my life, nor have I done a very good job of keeping up on hers. A 16 hour time difference makes a close involvement in one's life quite difficult. And so I have been treating my blog as my best friend. I know that a blog can never be a replacement for personal relationships, but it's what I have right now.
I have been trying to stretch myself out of my comfort zone by getting involved in other people's lives so that I can develop those sorts of relationships and friendships but I know it will take time. As of right now, I still feel like an outsider watching everybody else have the close personal relationships, and every once in a while I get a day pass and I'm invited in, but the rest of the time I'm left on the outside watching and waiting. It's not just so I have someone to talk to and pray with, either. I want people to feel like they can talk to me and ask me to pray with them, to call me at two o'clock in the morning. And I will be ready when that relationship comes-- not just a romantic relationship, but a meaningful friendship-- one that truly intersects my life as I intersect theirs. I will be right here, open to whatever God blesses me with.