Yesterday I wrote a little about why I was not a fan of the activities on Inernational Women's Day. Today I want to expand. The biggest problem I have with the current "women's movement " is that for many women it is creating an "us vs them" mindset toward men. As a Christ follower, it is my belief we are one body and should not be constantly competing against one another. How productive would a body be if the hand was constantly fighting the foot? If the hand wanted to do what the foot is supposed to do? The two parts were created for different purposes, neither more or less important, just different. This is very similar to the differences between men and women. There are certain things that each of us were biologically built for. We should not be enemies, we should not be opponents. We work best when we work together and love one another.
When I began following Jesus at age 21, I was very angry at men. My first real boyfriend had tried to force me into intercourse and I wound up feeling used. And right after that my next boyfriend used me as a "rebound" before going back to his previous girlfriend. He also didn't take me seriously when I told him I was depressed and struggling with life. He blew me off. After those experiences, I decided that all men were idiots and I did consider them to be the enemy. I had been hurt and by blaming the hurts on men in general instead of the individuals involved, I thought it was for my own protection, but the only thing I was protecting was my fear. I had allowed "victim" to become part of my identity instead of part of my history.
In the two years following my second boyfriend up until a few months after I started following Jesus, I became a connoisseur of stupid man jokes. I had books filled with the jokes. I told them every chance I got. I had a collection of keychains with anti-man jokes. I thought it was hilarious. Part of me truly believed it and believed that men could not be trusted (except my dad, of course.) And another part of me deep down still wanted to be loved.
During the spring semester of my first senior year of college (yeah, so what - it took me 6 years) I was reading the book Faith on the Edge, which was extremely popular that year, and something in that book convicted me that I was holding a grudge against men who had doe nothing wrong. By carrying those keychains and telling those jokes, I was devaluing a large part of God's creation. I immediately removed the keychains and gave them away. I prayed for God to change my heart toward men and to learn to trust them again. And God blessed me with some amazing men who I called friends for that season of my life.
I had plenty of reason to be hesitant to trust men. I had plenty excuses for saying many unkind things about men because of what had been done to me - and yet none of that could change what I had experienced and none of it brought me closer to God. Actually it kept me away, and once I trusted and repented, I grew closer to God through the friendships he gave me, many with men, It also opened the door for my first time falling in love. I learned so much from that experience and God has used every bit of what I learned through that time of my life for his good.
Many years have passed since that and I cannot say that I haven't struggled to find my role in this world and within the church as a woman. There have been many times that I have felt less valuable because I am a woman. But this is part of the curse of living in a fallen world. The men we wind up with may be FAR from perfect, but guess what? The women they ended up with are also far from perfect! I am a woman and I say MEN ARE NOT THE ENEMY. We have a much bigger enemy, one who wants us to be so wrapped up in men's rights vs women's rights that we don't notice him creeping in and taking over. Our enemy is sneaky and he thrives on division.
I pray that someday we can come together, men and women, side by side to stares unique aspects of men and women down our true enemy. I pray that we can learn to be thankful for the unique qualities in each of us rather than being resentful. And I pray that we could recognize and appreciate the blessings each of us have and that we would continuously examine ourselves and our own hearts to be sure that no bitterness takes root.
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