It has been almost a year since my last blog post, and yet my blog is still here. I am so glad, because reading through it, I am reminded that for the most part my blog has been a place that I come to release all of the pain and hurt that I've felt. It has rarely been a place of joy and celebration, but I think it's time to change that.
I have recently started dating somebody, and for the first time in my life, there is somebody that I like who also likes me in return. It is a new and amazing experience and it takes my breath away every day to discover that someone truly does like me for me. I'm also discovering a lot about myself and my expectations.
As many of you know, (as if many are reading this - but that is beside the point) I spent six years thinking that I knew who I was going to marry. Letting that go nearly broke me, and yet at the same time it made me stronger for bigger battles that were yet to come. Looking back on those six years, I now realize that I spent a lot of time trying to change, trying to make myself into a person that he would like. I wanted to be a better person (in other words, someone other than me) so that he would look at me and choose me.
Fast forward to now. Now that I am actually dating someone, I find that I want to be better at all of the things that I already do. All of the things that I already love. All of the things that make me ME. I want to become the best me that I can be. Because I've found someone who like me as I am, I just want to be a better version of me, rather than wanting to be a better person (ie, someone other than me). When I realized this the other night, I realized how freeing it is to feel like I don't have to give up the things that are me, nor do I have to pretend to like things that are not me.
So here I am, returning to my formerly melancholy blog, to share a little bit of joy. If any of my friends are actually reading this, thank you so much for not smothering me with a pillow for being so darn depressing for all of those years. And thank you for many years of love and encouragement.
Until Next Time!
3 comments:
Yeah me, that I get to share in your joy first here... well actually you already let me in on your joy before this, but I don't want to make anyone jealous that I am in the know. I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for you. Not only that you posted again, but also that you are having fun dating:) WOot WOot!!
I love that your blogging again and that you are doing well! I'm bummed I don't live close anymore or I would have tried to meet this fellow!
This is great news, congrats on all of it! Moar happy plz!
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