Pointless Pregnancy Tests

Okay, so I made a status update on Facebook about this today but the size of a status update cannot truly convey the humor in this situation.
So this morning I had a doctor's appointment with the new doctor I started seeing about a month and a half ago. I changed primary care doctors because I was not happy with my previous doctor who dismissed my concerns, which in my new doctor's opinion, are very valid concerns, particularly given my family history-- which he also didn't dismiss because my parents go to the same doctor. So anyway, I've been seeing him trying to get the tummy trouble situation figured out and resolved. This was my third visit to his office and he has ordered various blood and imaging tests for me-- and today, out of nowhere, he asks me if there was any chance I could be pregnant.
I thought I'd made it clear on my new patient paperwork and during my first visit that I have not engaged in the necessary activity for such a question. I reminded him that if I was, it would only be the second time in the history of the universe that such a thing has happened. He politely laughed and told me that he wanted to do a urine test to make sure there was nothing unusual going on there. I didn't really think much of it, because he'd had my parents do the same in the past.
I wait in the room while the run the urine test and a little bit later he comes back and tells me that everything looks normal there... "Oh, and you're NOT pregnant." As if this is news to me... He then proceeded to tell me that since he was running the urine, he had to check because while he was sure that I wasn't, lots of patients lie about their sexual history. Every doctor says the SAME thing.

So, here's the long and short of it:
Number of pregnancy tests over the last 8 years: 5
Number of times I needed one: ZERO

Hence my status update this morning:

45 minutes at the doctor's office and here's the big news: I'm NOT pregnant. *Note Sarcasm*

I'm afraid that despite the "*Note Sarcasm*" the humor of it may have been lost on those who don't know me very well.

I thought I was going to have to move again

Okay-- I was kidding... Kidding. Don't freak out... I'm not really moving again.

But the reason for that header:
So this morning, I went to work early for some overtime-- started at about 6:30, which is WAAAAAAAYYYYY early for me-- and when I walked into the building one of my supervisors sees me and says-- "Oh, I was just thinking of you." Then one of my co-workers stands up and yells across the rows of cubes, "JENI! You're not 'sploded!" So I look at her, puzzled and say, "And good morning to you, too!"

Then my supervisor proceeds to tell me that one of the buildings in my apartment complex exploded...

So I went online to find the news story, just to make sure I didn't have to move again... :)
This morning they were saying that an explosion that may have been caused by a gas leak, but as the day went on and the investigators investigated, this is what they found:

How stupid can you get

At least I don't live in the same building as that lady!

Things I didn't do before

Over the last year, I've taken steps to be more outgoing, to reach out more, to talk to people and invite them to things despite the fear that they will say no. And over the last year, I've come to realize that if people do say no, it's probably not personal-- my head always knew this, but my heart was less rational. And I've also realized that when people say no, or bail on a plan at the last minute or whatever the case may be, it is their loss-- not mine. I can still have a great time doing whatever.
Today I did something a bit more unusual for me. I have become comfortable with reaching out to people I know and trust-- but reaching out to new people, meeting new people is still a challenge, but today, I found myself asking a complete stranger (a rather attractive one, at that :D) to join us for communion simply because I noticed he was alone. I didn't even think about it as anything unusual until after the fact. And that was when I realized that something has changed within me and I couldn't be happier.
I look forward to the excitement that will come as I continue to change and continue to willingly approach new people. I'm curious to discover what sort of opportunities this changed behavior will bring about. I pray that it will last-- that I won't just retreat back into my cave when things get tough. Only time will tell.

Weekend in Vegas Part I

So last weekend, I took a fabulous trip to Las Vegas to visit Becky. It was my first time in Vegas (aside from passing through the airport) since I was three years old. Of course Becky had fabulous non-touristy activities planned for the three of us (Becky, Mary and I).

So Friday night, out flight got in at about 10pm and we went to Becky's place to change for a night out on the town. (I know-- I'm usually going to bed about that time...)
The first place we hit was Firefly Tapas Lounge where we enjoyed appetizers and a pitcher of Sangria. (When I relayed the tale of the evening to my mother, she heard me wrong and thought I said Firefly TOPLESS Lounge... Oh dear. Not that it would surprise me if there was such a place...)
Next we hit a bar that Becky said was a locals sort of place where the "hipsters" hang out... It was called the Downtown Cocktail Lounge. Nothing particularly special-- typical bar environment, low lighting, music that's way too loud--it's more about the company than the place. The most unusual part was the bathroom-- the bathroom stall wall is a one way mirror, where it's a mirror on the outside, but when you're inside you can see out. Kind of creepy, actually. Anyway, here we are hanging out at the Downtown Cocktail Lounge:











Next we hit another bar, just around the corner called The Griffin. More of the same-- loud music, low lights. Good thing we were only having one drink per place, otherwise we'd be in BIG trouble, eh? Especially since there was still one more place to hit. The last place we visited was called the Beauty Bar-- apparently sometimes they do manicures in the bar-- and this is where the real trouble began. They have a courtyard in the back. According to Becky, there's usually a band playing there, but on this particular evening, they were renting out roller skates instead and people were skating around the courtyard... Yes, I knew that this was a bad idea-- but I let Becky talk me into it. Tipsy roller skating would be bad enough-- but to make it EXTRA fun, the courtyard was not flat. It had kind of a slant, so on one side you'd be skating uphill, and on the other side you'd be coasting down hill. Here is a picture of Becky and Mary skating (No picture of me skating-- it's bad enough Becky put one on her Facebook):











That was the end of Friday night. It was after three by the time we got back to Becky's and we all crashed pretty quickly.
Saturday we slept in and when we woke up we took a trip out to Red Rock Canyon. We took the scenic loop and stopped along the way for a short hike. Here is a picture of the prickly pear that poked both Mary and Becky, after which they both proceeded to flip off the prickly pear (but I thought that picture would be inappropriate for blogspot!):









When we got back from our trip to Red Rock Canyon, we got ready for Becky's dinner party-- she invited some of her Vegas friends plus her dad over for dinner so that they could meet Mary and I (if they hadn't already). The Thai food Becky made was fabulous and the conversation was-- well, interesting. The husband of one of Becky's friends kind of monopolized conversation, so there was a lot of sidebar talk going on... There was also some toilet trouble that resulted in everybody having to fill up the tank using a giant pot before they flushed... Poor Becky.
After the dinner party, Becky wanted to take us to a bar at Circus Circus called the Horse-Around bar-- It is a bar that was built on the carousel in the midway, and it apparently was mentioned in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Unfortunately the bar was closed, so we went to another bar at the Artisan. It was a classy sort of place with art on the walls and outside the bar in the lobby sort of area there was a nice fountain and tables and more art... I would have preferred to sit in the lobby area as it was much quieter, but it was nice, none the less...
We were home a bit earlier Saturday night, so we got a proper night's sleep, at last!

Too much drama

Yeah, that's what my life has been lately. I'm choosing not to elaborate at the moment because it's much more appropriate for my emo blog... But I'm here, and life marches on...

Extending Love Without Expectations

I'm in a phase again where I'm finding myself lacking the motivation to blog. After all- what is the point of sharing my heart if nobody finds it necessary to reciprocate?

The truth is this is something I've been struggling with in all parts of my life, not just online. I find myself not wanting to make the effort to put myself out there only to be ignored or pushed aside. It happens online and it happens in real life and I have been finding myself resentful of the people who do it. I am tired of constantly reaching out to people, of making an effort to love them when they aren't willing to give me the time of day.

This is where my epiphany comes in- this past Sunday, I arrived at church and was immediately in a foul mood. The people I have repeatedly attempted to reach out to just smile an walk on by. I stand around waiting for somebody to show up who actually wants to be a part of my life. I see a friend arrive and it improves my mood just a bit. Then, just before worship begins, another friend arrives and joins me where I am sitting. Worship begins and I'm feeling just a little bit happier. Then another friend arrives and joins me on my other side. And I'm filled with an overwhelming joy. I suddenly feel as though things are JUST as they should be.
I am convicted. I know that I have been selfish. I would not be happy being the center of attention, and yet sometimes that is what I want. In this overwhelming joy, God reminds me that He has handpicked each and every one of my friends and placed them in my life for a very special reason. Each of them fulfills a specific need in my life-- and I have no needs that are left un-met that would be fulfilled by any of the people whose attention I have been striving after. Things are just as they should be in God's eyes.
Just like a real family, just because somebody spends the majority of their time with other family members, it does not mean that they love you less. And there should never be a time where I do not show love to somebody simply because they have not been showing love to me. We are called to love others-- not to love only those who will show us love in return.

Jesus, please help me to love without expectation of anything in return. Help me to be grateful for the life that I have rather than resentful that it's not the life I want. Fill me with the same joy I felt in the moment I was surrounded by my friends, knowing that you have placed them in my life for a reason.

A New Season

It has always been that my friends come in and out of my life in seasons. It is gradual, but when I look back, it looks like things changed quite quickly.
Right now, it seems that I am entering a new season again. I love my old friends dearly and they are still and will continue to be my friends. But we're not in the same place anymore and they are no longer the people I feel most comfortable turning to when I'm down and just need someone to cry with, to pray with. Over the last year or two, I have made some great new friends and reconnected with old friends who are in the same place that I am. But with the new friends, I still haven't quite established who is the one I should call when I'm feeling particularly lonely and vulnerable and need somebody to pray with. I kind of feel like I'm wandering.
Over the last few years, I have become 100% more outgoing than I used to be, and yet I still find myself feeling lonely. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It just happens. While it is great to have lots of friends and spend time in large groups, I still need to connect on the personal level with people as individuals.
And that part is finally starting to come around to. This new season may just be spring time when the sun begins to shine much brighter and the beautiful colors begin to light up all around.

Violated!

Yes-- It is a tale of excitement and adventure, most of which I missed, despite the fact that it happened to me.

So today, just like every Sunday, I had bowling at the Coconut Bowl at 6:00. Our practice starts at about 5:50. Nothing particularly notable about this day. I did have a drink-something called "orange dreamsicle"- which is a little bit different. On about my third practice ball, I went up, took my turn, and when I came back, everybody is pointing at my purse and asking whose it is. I said that it was mine, and of course, asked why they wanted to know. I thought maybe somebody had spilled something on it, or knocked it on the floor or something.

And then the bartender said that he caught some guy trying to steal it. During the minute I was up throwing a practice ball, some guy had grabbed it and stuffed it under his coat. The bartender saw him and said something to him, at which time he dropped my purse and ran off. The bartender brought it back, and that is the moment that I returned from my practice ball.

I didn't see any of this happen-- this is just what I have been told. But I checked my purse to make sure nothing was missing, and then I took my wallet, stuck it in my pocket and asked my dad to put my purse in the car.

I thought that was all-- I felt violated and upset, but I thought that there was nothing to be done. I assumed that the guy had fled the property never to be seen again. But then halfway through the first game, the Sparks PD showed up and wanted to ask me about what had happened. I really didn't know anything since I didn't see anything. But then they said that since it was my property, I had to decide whether or not I wanted to press charges. All throughout the first game the police were in and out with reports to be filled out and statements to be made.

Then they needed to go through my purse to assess the value of the items inside to determine if the would be thief would be charged with a misdemeanor or a felony. It turns out that I had almost $500.00 worth of personal property in my purse (including the purse itself). So, apparently that makes it a felony. So we got everything wrapped up and my dad took my purse back to the car and the remainder of the night was uneventful.

I joked through the final two games, but when the evening was over, I just felt sick to my stomach. I felt violated- but also I felt incredibly blessed. The bartender's attentiveness saved me a lot of time, money and frustration. I feel like I should give him a giant hug (which would obviously be inappropriate) or buy him a drink (which would also be moderately inappropriate) or send him a cookie basket or something.

I think maybe I should have another drink before bed. Ugh, what a night.

Life should be more than this...

I have, as some people have noticed, been struggling more than usual recently. I made a particularly emo post on my emo blog about part of it, but it doesn't really tell the whole story. In my life, there has almost always been a song that characterizes what I'm going through at any given time, good or bad. I've written about them here before, and they usually come to my mind unexpectedly-- sometimes they are songs that I haven't heard for months or even years. Today the song that characterizes this period of my life came to my mind. The song is "I Belong to You" by Superchick. Yes, I know Superchick is rather cheesy and such, but the song is quite true to what I am feeling right now-- so here are the lyrics:

Everybody needs to belong somewhere
life can feels so alone without someone who cares.
And when life becomes something just to get through,
that’s when I’m glad that I belong to you.

I belong to you,I belong to you,
you’re the one who will never let me down,
won’t let me down.
I belong to you.
Lord I belong to you.

Sometimes life brings more pain than we can bear alone.
When hope is gone and I have no strength to stand on my own,
when nothing helps, there’s nothing that I can do,
you surround me and show me I belong to you.

I belong to you,I belong to you,
you’re the one who will never let me down,
won’t let me down.
I belong to you.
Lord I belong to you.

When Love is gone there’s no arms to run to anymore,
I’m all alone there’s no one for me to live for,
letting go of the things I’ve always clung to,
that’s when I need to feel that I belong to you.

I belong to you,I belong to you,
you’re the one who will never let me down,
won’t let me down.
I belong to you.
Lord I belong to you.

This is how I'm feeling, spot on. I really do have a lot of days right now that just feel like something to get through. I do feel quite alone most of the time. I do have days where Jesus is the ONLY thing keeping me living-- because without Him I'd still be living the life I was ten years ago which consisted of intentionally hurting myself and wanting to die. The skeleton in my closet is that I still sometimes think about it. I never seriously consider it anymore, but it still pops up in my head, and there are days that it takes great restraint to not punch a wall or pull out a razor blade-- but Jesus gives me the strength to make the right choice, even in the moments when there is nothing I would rather do than cause myself pain. It is the weapon in Satan's arsenal against me that only Jesus can defeat.
At any rate, the song tells where I am at and what I'm living for right now. And I'm praying for a new song to come along really soon, one that's more about hope and less about loneliness.

My Essay, as Promised

So I said that I would post my entry to the "Real Simple Magazine Life Lessons Essay Contest" on my blog after they posted the winner (not me). And so here it is-- If you don't like long, you should probably leave now. It's short for an essay, but still long for a blog post.

The question was: What was the most important day of your life?
“What was the most important day of your life?”

I look at this question and I am completely overwhelmed. After all, how can one possibly choose ONE most important moment of an entire lifetime thus far? Okay, so maybe if I was married, I might call the day I met my husband the most important moment of my life—or if I had a child, the day he or she was born might be the most important moment of my life. But my life to this point has not been quite that predictable or cliché. It has not been the life little girls dream about when they are young. There is no dream man, no dream family with 2.5 children, no dream house and no dream job. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not complaining, I am mostly happy with my life—but it’s not at all what I had thought it would be. Two major stops on my “happily ever after” timeline have already come and gone unfulfilled. In my fictional life that I created for myself, I was married by 25, had my first kid by 28 and had published my first novel by 30.
When I turned 25, I spent the first half of the year trying to get over the fact that I wasn’t married. When I turned 28, the not having a kid wasn’t quite so much of a blow because I still hadn’t (and haven’t) found the man I’m going to marry. One thing I didn’t think about is that these goals are not realistic. Yes, things could have happened this way, but they didn’t, and it’s not because I’ve failed. I would have failed if I settled for something less than I wanted just to make this happen—but it takes a stronger person to hold out for what is right, even if it means watching all of your friends get what you want and still waiting. As far as the third stop on that timeline? There’s still time for that.
Thinking about all of these things made me realize that I knew exactly which day to call the most important day of my life. I discovered that TODAY is the most important day of my life. Today I will learn to never lower my standards in an attempt to find love. Today I will be made whole again. Today I will meet my first love, and today I will let him go. Today I will go to driving school, get my license and buy my first car, and today my mother will nearly have a nervous breakdown when I come home with a flashy red car. Today I will move into my own apartment. Itwill be small and a little bit dingy, but it will be mine. Today one of my dearest friends will move halfway around the world and I will be terrified that our friendship can not, will not survive; and today I will discover I was wrong as our friendship remains solid. Today I will graduate 11th in my high school class; and today I will graduate college (just barely) one semester after changing my major, saying farewell to the teaching career I never wanted anyway. Today we will celebrate my great-grandmother’s 100th birthday, and today she will pass away. Today I will watch my little (though not in stature) brother get married before me. Today I will remember all of these days. These are just some of my todays, but each and every one of them has helped to make me the person I am on this today. And all of the todays that are yet to come—how will I choose to spend them knowing that each one is the most important day of my life?
Today is the day I get out of bed and go to work so that I can pay the bills. Today is the day I will smile at a stranger passing by and maybe he’ll smile back and maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll even stop to chat. And maybe we’ll never talk again, but maybe we will. Today is the day I will take a chance on people. I will love them in spite of the possibility that I will get hurt, or that I will hurt somebody else. Today I will put pen to paper and write something beautiful. Okay, so maybe only my mom and dad will think it’s beautiful, but it’s a start. I will just sit down and write whatever comes out because I will never write anything beautiful if I continue to write nothing at all. I will write this essay and I will mail it even though I will never be completely happy until it’s perfect—which it never will be. I will write because it’s what I love and I will not stop just because it’s not perfect.
Today is the day I choose to put my all into what I have at this moment rather than holding back, waiting for my “real life” to begin. Today is the day I celebrate and cherish the life I have rather than coveting somebody else’s. And when tomorrow becomes today, today will still be the most important day of my life. After all, there is no good that can come of always looking behind us, wishing things could be the way they used to be, or wondering where we went wrong. Glancing back and remembering the good times and learning from our mistakes is natural, even expected; like checking your rearview mirror while you’re driving. But when we continue to look behind us, we miss what lies ahead— not only the obstacles, but the joys as well. We miss the roadblocks in front of us and we crash. Or worse yet, we are so busy looking back at the love we used to have that we zoom right past the love that’s yet to come, missing out completely. Each today is a choice. We can choose to be in today and make the most of it or we can choose to be in yesterday and tomorrow, completely missing out on today.
Today is the day I move forward. I will not live in the past, nor will I worry about what the future holds, because worrying will take me nowhere. I will live today in a way that reflects who I am and what is important to me. I will stop expecting to fail. I will make a reachable goal for today and today and today. I will do what I can with what I have and nothing more or less. I will value my commitments to myself as much as I value my commitments to others. Today I will spend a little less money and a little more time on myself. I will make dinner for a friend. I will pray for contentment with a life that is nothing like I planned and expect my prayer to be answered. I will stop standing in the place I have been and take one step forward, then another and another. Today I will choose to do all of these things. And tomorrow I will have to choose to do them all over again because it will be another today… And another best day of my life.