I am reposting the first half of my post from yesterday because I decided that it needed to be separate. So, here goes:
This morning in church, I was revisited by one of my favorite stories from the book of Mark. There was a point during the service when it was mentioned that in order for God to fill us we need to believe that it will happen. When it comes to the signs of being filled with the Holy Spirit, I sometimes struggle with believing that such things would happen. My human, wanna-be logical brain tries telling me that such things are not possible even though my heart knows they are. And this is where I find myself going back to Mark 9:24 when the father of a boy who is demon possessed asks Jesus to help him overcome his unbelief. I find myself doing this a lot. When I come against things that are difficult to believe without experiencing or seeing them, I find myself praying for help with this unbelief, because though my heart believes, I still find myself in a state of unbelief.
A couple of years ago I wrote a song about this subject. (Keep in mind that I cannot play music and therefore the music is only stored in my head.)
Unbeliever's Prayer
My soul has felt your hope
My eyes have seen your joy
My mind knows of your peace
And my ears have heard of your love
But still I find myself
Questioning you again
My heart reaches out
My mind has no doubt
Still I'm wondering how
Things will ever change
And I ask you today
Help me with my unbelief
Your hands have touched my life
Your arms have held me close
Your voice has spoken truth
And your heart for me is loving
(Repeat Chorus)
Help me. My doubts are taking control
Help me. My fears are taking hold
(Repeat)
Sorry, for all of you who have already read this... I just thought that being that it was a different issue entirely that it should have its own post.
2 comments:
..."questioning" is not the same as "doubting" to me. i like the fact that within your struggle, you appear to be instinctively drawn to do something very biblical...which is, to "look to Jesus, the author and developer of our faith." We know the answers to all our questions are there.
I wish my faith were stronger without any doubts as well. It has been helpful to me to rely on scriptural promises for increasing my faith ("faith comes by hearing...").
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